


Passion Trumps Fear

by AzzyWinchester



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Caught, Consensual Underage Sex, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Oral Sex, Past Rape/Non-con, Possessive Negan (Walking Dead), Protective Negan (Walking Dead)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2020-09-23 15:30:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 42,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20342428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzzyWinchester/pseuds/AzzyWinchester
Summary: She was young and beautiful, maybe a little broken, and he wanted her. He was three times her age, and she was terrified to admit her feelings for him.





	1. Caught in the Act

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this in just under a day, hope it's okay!

She had been at The Sanctuary for two months now. Negan and his men had found her alone in an old, broken, house. It took a lot of coaxing on their part to convince her to come back with them. She still, though, wasn't used to this large place. It stunned her just how many people were there, and how large the place was. It had been a long time since she had been with people, and she hadn't been around this many people since before The End.

It surprised her that when she had gotten there that their leader hadn't assigned her a job. He told her that he had to decide what the perfect thing for her was, and he had to think on it. What she found weird, though, was that he had almost immediately given others jobs; but two months here she still didn't have anything she was supposed to do.

But she just shrugged it off, because it was safe. She was safe, at least it felt like it. Which was more then she has had in longer then her world has existed.

She had to admit that the older man intrigued her. The way that he asserted his dominance, the way he could be so cruel, and then be kind enough to watch over all of these people. She loved his leather jacket and the way that it clung to his muscles. She loved how hard his expression could be when he was talking to others, and then be so soft when he talked to her. And she most certainly loved all those dirty words she'd hear him say.

But all these feelings scared her, she couldn't say anything. He was the leader of the largest group she's ever seen! She was being a fool, there's no way a man like him could ever see a girl like her as anything more then a nuisance, besides, that's what she was to everyone else.

But she would watch him whenever he was in the cafeteria, which wasn't often, but it was occasional. She enjoyed seeing how he interacted with his people. A couple times they had made eye contact. But she couldn't hold it for more then a second before she would avert her eyes back to her food. Even though every time he would look at her she wouldn't feel like eating anymore. She would get hot and most of the time sneak out and go to her bedroom to try to relieve some of the tension. But it never helped much.

It shocked her when one afternoon he walked over to where she was sitting alone in the cafeteria. He took a seat across from her and smiled as she stared at him with wide eyes, "How ya doin', darlen?" He chuckled at her shocked expression.

"I, uh..." She chuckled nervously as her face flushed, "I'm fine." She answered embarrassed, staring down at her food. She's an idiot.

"Yeah? Well, I have some good news, I figured out your role here." He said leaning against the chair, crossing his arms.

She cleared her throat and did her best to keep her voice even, "What is it?" She asked genuinely curious now.

"I want you to work with the children." She furrowed her brows, "I've seen how good you are with them, I want you to watch them, teach them while there parents are out doing their work."

She nodded, "I can do that."

"I'm sure ya can, sweetheart. You'll start tomorrow." He said standing up. He touched her shoulder as he walked away, making her shiver.

She couldn't stand it the rest of the day as she did random things for different people. The tingle from when he was talking to her didn't leave, and damn she was ready when she made it back to her room.

She quickly stripped her pants off and unbuttoned her shirt letting it fall to the floor. She climbed into her bed and rubbed her thighs together. Shit. She slid her panties off and moaned quietly as the cool air touched her exposed area.

She lowered her hand and ran a finger across her slit. Shit, she was wet just thinking about him. She started to slowly rub her clit, back arching at the contact. She wished that she didn't have to do this, she could only imagine how much better it would feel if he were touching her.

But she was all she had at that moment, so she slid a finger into herself and moaned softly. She fingered herself as she rubbed her clit. She was close. She rubbed herself harder then suddenly stopped.

She felt like crying, she was disgusting. What was wrong with her? After what she had to go through, how could she want to go through it again? What the fuck was wrong with her? Even if he did like her there was no way he would ever want to touch her if he knew.

She curled in on herself hugging a blanket to her, "I'm disgusting."

Suddenly her bed sank down, "You aren't, Layla."

She jumped so hard she tumbled off the bed. She didn't falter, though, as she backed until she hit the wall. She quickly tried to cover herself as she buried her face in her knees.

Who was that? How long had he been there? What did he see? Fuck, she's screwed.

Tears started to fall as the man sat down beside her and sighed. She took a breath and looked up at the man. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw who it was.

Negan.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She tried to move but realized she was still, except for her bra, naked and curled in even harder on herself.

He put his hand on her knee, making her involuntarily shudder, "You have nothing to be ashamed about, Layla. You're a beautiful young woman."

"You wouldn't say that if you knew what they did to me." She said looking away.

His face hardened, "What do you mean?"

She sighed. At this point, who gives a fuck what they know? "The last people I was with they... They'd hurt me. And after a while I..." Tears started falling again, "I just stopped fighting. I let them do what they wanted to me."

Negan sighed as he stood up. He grabbed a blanket off her bed and sat back down beside her. She slowly moved forward a little, allowing him to wrap the blanket around her shoulders. She leaned back against the wall and covered herself with the blanket.

"It's not your fault, darling. None of it is." She held eye contact with him for the first time since he met her, "And what you were doing? It's normal to want to feel pleasure after going through so much pain."

Negan liked her, not just in a sexual way, though she did have a body that made his cock swell. She was kind, he loved the way she was with people. Especially the children. Sure, she was quiet, but he had heard her stand up for herself when people mouthed at her. Or when she was passionate about something. It did take him a while to figure out where he wanted her, because he didn't want to put her just anywhere where anyone could try to touch his girl.

Hearing that she'd been raped made him want to punch a wall. Especially since she blamed herself for it. All he wanted at that moment was to make her feel better. He hated more then anything seeing her cry. She did seem to have calmed down some, though. Which he was thankful for.

Layla really liked this man. She hadn't told anyone else what had happened to her, she wasn't sure why she trusted him so much. All she wanted at that moment was to show him how much she liked him.

It shocked him when she dropped the blanket. He stared at her face afraid of scaring her. She couldn't be scared off this time. She moved and sat on his lap, facing him, legs on either side of him.

"Layla, honey-" He started to say, but she cut him off by her kissing him. He gently pushed her back and looked her in the eye, "Baby, you don't know what you're doing."

She gently rocked her hips against his, feeling his hardness through his pants, "I know exactly what I'm doing." She smirked as he groaned. She leaned in and kissed him again, and he gently kissed her back. If this is what she needed, so be it.

She moaned against his mouth at the friction. He wrapped his hand in her hair and deepened the kiss, putting his other hand on her hip, grinding into her. Her back arched as her breath hitched.

"You like that, Layla? Hm? You fucking like this?" Him asking that made her shake against him.

"Y-yes... Please, please... More..." She moaned.

"More what? What do you need?" He growled as he kissed down her neck.

"You!" She exclaimed. He stood up, she wrapped her legs around his waist, kissing him.

He placed her on the bed and looked her up and down, "Fucking beautiful." He stroked her thigh. She was breathing hard as she opened her legs for him, watching him carefully. He kneeled at the foot of her bed and pulled her towards him, "What do you want me to do, baby?" He asked kissing just above her knee.

"I want you to touch me." She said doing her best to keep a straight face. She just wanted to forget what those men's hands felt like. She wants to know what it feels like to want it.

He smiled at her as he lied beside her. He started kissing her as his hand went between her small breasts, "May I?" He asked putting his hand on the clasp of her bra. She nodded and gave him a small smile. He started kissing down her jaw and neck as he took her bra off. She moaned softly as he trailed kisses between her breasts and down her stomach.

He smirked at her as he licked around her right erect nipple. She sucked in a sharp breath and slightly shook beneath him. When he wrapped his mouth around it she stroked his hair. He sucked and she shuddered, another moan leaving her lips. Fuck, his cock was throbbing. But he was going to make her enjoy this, it wasn't about him. As he continued to suck on her nipples his other hand trailed down her stomach, going to cup her pelvis.

Shit was she wet. He gently started rubbing circles on her clit. She opened her legs wider as she pulled him up to kiss her again. Her hips jerked and she mewled as he started picking up speed.

"Negan..." She whimpered as she felt herself getting closer. She gripped his shirt as her back arched. He pressed harder and her hips bucked. He suddenly pulled away, Layla whined when he did so.

"Let me make you feel good." He said pulled away from her mouth. She quickly nodded her head, wanting to feel him again. He chuckled as he trailed kisses down her stomach. He kneeled between her legs and kissed her thighs. He smirked when he saw her clenching her walls. Fuck, he loved her. He placed a single kiss on her pussy, making her involuntarily shudder.

"You like this?" He asked her.

"Y-yes. Please don't stop." He wasn't planning on it. He licked between her lips and flicked her hard little clit with his tongue. Her hips jerked as she tried to keep her legs open for him. He teased her entrance before wrapping his lips around her clit, sucking lightly. "Fuck!" She yelled as he continued to suck on her sensitive bud. She gripped the sheets as she felt herself quickly getting close again.

He loved how responsive she was.

He rapidly flicked his tongue over her clit, making her cry out and back arch. He reached up and grabbed her hand. She gripped it tightly as she squeezed her eyes shut, reaching her peak as he sucked on her. She came screaming his name as her body convulsed.

After giving her one more long lick he got up on the bed beside her, "Please, please..." She begged him as she kissed him, tasting herself on his lips.

As much as he wanted to, "No, baby."

Her brows furrowed, "Why? I... I... Do you not want me?" Shit.

"No, darling, it isn't that." Because he wanted to fuck her into the wall, "But you need to get some rest." In all truth he knew she was hurting from what those so called men had done to her and just wanted an outlet. But he didn't want to hurt the teenager even more, just in case she would regret being with him. He didn't want to be just as bad as those men. No. He was better then that.

She sighed and nodded, "Will you at least stay with me until I fall asleep?" She asked nervously. She really didn't want to be alone.

Negan nodded and kicked off his boots, laying down beside her. He pulled her to him and held her to his chest. He was still fully dressed and dick aching, but he just held her none the less.

Damn, he was selfless.


	2. Mornings and Blowjobs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe this is OOC, maybe it isn't. Either way I don't care, because I enjoyed writing it, so I hope you enjoy reading it.

When Layla woke up the next morning Negan was gone. She expected it, but was still a little disappointed. She sighed as she sat up, that was the first night in a long time that she had slept the whole night. She stretched and groaned. She looked down at herself, she was still naked. She smiled as she thought about the previous night. She wanted to see him again.

But then a thought hit her that made her frown. What if he doesn't want to see her? What if he did what he did last night because he felt bad for her? He didn't want to have sex after all.

She quickly grabbed a shower and got dressed as she thought about him. What did he think about her? Did he pity her?

She slowly left her room, becoming more and more nervous to see him. She made her way to the cafeteria, keeping her head down, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. When she made it all she could see was him. What was he doing here? He was never here at breakfast. She nervously went and got food, sitting down in her normal spot.

She kept an eye on him as he talked to Simon. When he glanced over at her her head slightly tilted to the side. He smiled warmly at her before turning back to his right hand, quickly wrapping up his conversation so he could go talk to his girl.

_His._

Her heart beat against her ribcage as he walked toward her. What was he going to do? Say? Her breathing picked up, nerves eating at her.

He took a seat right next to her, immediately seeing something was bothering her, "What's wrong, sunshine?" He asked getting nervous himself that she was upset about the night prior. He had never been more unsure of himself in his life. He cared much more deeply for this girl then he did for any of his wives. They could all burn if he could just have the girl next to him.

"Nothing, I'm fine." She answered too quickly, giving herself away even more then she had before. Hell, she's never been the most subtle person.

He grabbed her chin, making her look at him. He tucked her hair behind her ear and stroked her cheek. He hasn't been this passionate for anyone since Lucille, but this feels different then even that. He's never felt this way before, it was a strange feeling he didn't quiet know how to describe, but he did know that all he wanted was to make her feel better.

She gently leaned into his touch, good sign, "Did someone do something?"

Layla shook her head and sighed deeply, "No. It's just..." She looked around the room, seeing several pairs of eyes on them. She wrapped her arms around her stomach wishing she could disappear.

Negan followed her gaze, seeing all the people watching them. He growled and glared at the people, "Finish your fucking food and get to work! I see anyone staring again and there's going to be some fucked up people walking, or not walking, around here." Everyone quickly averted their eyes in fear of the consequences. He turned back to Layla, who looked even more nervous then she did before, "Would you like to go someplace more private?" She nodded and they stood up leaving the cafeteria.

She stayed right behind him the entire time. They walked down halls that she hadn't seen before, she wondered where they were going. What was she going to say when they got there? Should she just tell him what she was worried about? What would he do if she told him? What would he think?

Negan opened a door and put his hand on her back, leading her in. It was a bedroom, it was _his_ bedroom. He went and sat down on the leather couch and patted the cushion next to him. She just looked at him for a moment, trying to decide what was on his mind.

She carefully sat down next to the larger man and stared at her lap, "What's wrong?" He asked putting his hand on her knee. She couldn't help the blush that formed on her face at the contact, she had to cross her legs in order to not rub her thighs together.

She took in a deep breath and sighed, "It's dumb."

He moved her hair out of her face. Whatever it was seemed to be really bothering her, at that point he really needed to know, "I'm sure it's not." He tried to reassure her.

She met his eyes and asked, "Why did you do what we did last night?"

He squinted for a second observing her. She didn't appear to be mad or upset, only a bit nervous, slightly scared. But he couldn't be sure, maybe she regretted him and what happened last night. Maybe she felt like she was taken advantage of again. Maybe he shouldn't have done what he did. Fucking shit.

"Do you regret it?" He asked keeping his face neutral.

She quickly shook her head, surprised by his question, "No, no of course not. I promise. I was just... I was just worried that you only did it because of pity... Did you?"

"Sweetheart, I could never pity you. I did what I did because I wanted to." He moved over so close that their legs were touching.

Layla crossed her leg and faced him directly suddenly feeling bold. If that was the truth then there was something else on her mind at that moment, too, "There's something else I feel kinda bad about." She said lightly tracing circles on his upper thigh.

He tried to calm himself, but he couldn't stop his dick from growing hard at her touch, "Yeah, and what's that?"

"Well, you took such good care of me last night I just felt bad about leaving you hanging." She gently touched the front of his pants with her fingers.

He grabbed her hand and looked her in the eye, "You don't have to do that." He didn't want her thinking that he expected her to reciprocate what he did for her last night. Hell, he'd be more then happy to eat her out every night and then go and jack off himself.

She rolled her eyes and smiled at him, "No, I don't think I do." She pecked him on the lips, "But I know that I want to." Well fuck it then, huh?

Negan grabbed the side of her face and connected their lips again. It quickly changed from a soft, sweet kiss to a fast, sloppy make out. Their tongues intertwined with each other, she moaned against his mouth loving the feeling of his tongue against hers.

She palmed at his erection, making him groan. She undid the zipper of his jacket and he let her slide it off of him. She took off his T-shirt and sat on his lap, pressing her body to his, wanting to feel more of him. The comfort that she got from him was different then anything she's ever felt before.

Layla pulled away and looked him in the eye. He looked stunned, he was confused by why she had suddenly stopped kissing him. She gently ran her hand through the side of his hair, wondering why he bothered to still use hair products. She hugged his neck and placed a kiss behind his ear.

He wrapped his arms around her and they both let out a sigh. She moaned in his ear and wiggled in his lap. She smiled as he sucked in his breath. She kissed his neck before going back to whisper in his ear, "Can I suck you?" She could feel his racing heart and hot skin and knew exactly what he wanted.

He slowly nodded. She was nervous. She hadn't actually wanted to do something like this with anybody before. She was scared that she would do something wrong and he wouldn't like her anymore. But she wanted to make him feel like he made her feel. She was also kind of excited, well, maybe more then kind of. She wanted to see what he looked like. Felt like.

She slowly climbed off of him and kneeled on the floor. He watched her carefully with every movement that she made. He had to make sure she actually wanted to do this. If she showed any signs of not he would pull her away and he would just hold her. God, he just wanted to hold her.

With shaky hands she undid his belt buckle. She unzipped him and looked him in the eye, "Are you okay?" Negan asked. She nodded her head and smiled gently at him. He lifted his hips and allowed her to pull his jeans down. She took his boots off and pulled his jeans the rest of the way off. She traced her fingers over the front of his boxers. She saw how hard he was and bit her lip meeting his eye again, "You don't need to, sweetheart."

Even though he needed a release so bad he refused to let that deter the trust he's starting to gain with her. She stood up and kissed him tenderly, "Can you do me a favor, Negan?" She asked as she peppered kisses across the side of his face. He nodded as she leaned in to whisper in his ear, "Shut up." She kissed him hard before kneeling back on the floor.

He blinked a few times, a little shocked by what she had just said to him. If anyone else had told him to shut up he would have had a field trip tearing them apart, but he just licked his lips and waited for her to continue.

Layla slowly slipped her fingers underneath the waistband of his boxers and pulled them down, not even looking at him yet. She held his underwear in her hands for a moment, fear momentarily overtaking her. Was this the right thing for her? Should she be doing this right now?

She couldn't help but think about those men that had made her do this to them. It felt so different, though. Sure, she was still scared. But she feared different things. Before she feared that they were going to kill her, hurt her again. Now she's afraid of disappointing him. But at this point, with him naked on this couch in front of her, all she could do was her best. She would do her best.

She dropped his boxers and looked at his penis, he was larger then any of those men. He was big. Thick and long, the tip was already dripping with his pre-cum. She licked her lips as she touched the shaft with her fingertips. His hips jerked and she snatched her hand away quick. She quickly smiled, though, realizing she was having that affect on him.

She wrapped her hand around his rigid length making him let out a groan. She moved her hand up and down a few times, watching his face as she did. His mouth was parted and he was breathing heavy. She continued looking at him as she leaned forward and licked all the way from his balls to his tip, flicking her tongue over it. He let out a loud moan as his head fell back.

She took about a third of him into her mouth and lightly sucked. He hissed as he raked his fingers through her hair, leaving his hand set on the top of her hand, not doing anything besides stroking it softly. He was too worried about scaring her to move her head any.

She started to bob her head as she used her hand to work what she couldn't fit in her mouth. Seeing her on her knees in between his legs almost made him cum, but he was determined to hold it back as long as possible. Then there was the feeling. Damn, she was working him good. He didn't think he could keep it down much longer. He let out an extra loud groan as she stuck her tongue into his slit. His hips jerked so bad it made her gag. Sure, he felt bad about it at first, but he forgot soon after as she did it again. Readying herself this time so she wouldn't choke.

Shit, she was throbbing. She knew she had to be soaked. He had his hands on her head, guiding her now. After a particularly hard suck he let out a throaty moan. She moaned against him, making him shake as he was close. Really close.

She removed her head and started jerking him as fast as she could. She looked at him, his head was back, mouth agape and sweat was dripping down the side of his face.

Not even a moment later his body shook as his hips jerked wildly and his sticky hot cum came spurting out in streams. It landed on his stomach, her hand and shirt. She slowly licked the salty cum off her hand and observed him as he panted, eyes shut, trying to catch his breath. She took her shirt off before cleaning whatever made it onto his dick with her tongue. She got up and cleaned off his stomach as well.

She had barely finished when he pulled her up to him and held her to his chest. He stroked her hair as he praised her, "You did such a good job, Layla." She nodded, hating herself for where she had learned to do that. They just sat there for several minutes, letting him come down from his high. She periodically moved her hips, trying to get friction on her jeans to try and relieve some of the tension. Get more comfortable.

He opened his eyes and watched her for a moment. Her eyes were shut and she was rocking her hips. He chuckled, causing her to look up at him confused, "Need a hand with that, sweetheart?" She looked down as her face flushed, she had to fight the urge not to giggle. He laughed again, "What's the matter, baby? It isn't like I haven't seen you naked before." He said running his hand up and down her arm.

"Y-yeah." She cleared her throat as a smile danced across her face, "I want you to touch me again." She was so ready to feel him again.

"Good." He said picking her up bridal style and carrying her to his large king sized bed, laying her down gently.

He was so fucking glad that she said yes. He couldn't wait to make her scream out his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may or may not be a while before they have sex. But I'm going back and forth on if she should have a flashback of her time with her past group or if she should just enjoy herself when they do.
> 
> Thoughts? Ideas? Constrictive criticism? I'd love to hear it all.


	3. Say My Name

Her first thought as she lay on the bed was, _'shit, this is so much softer then mine'_. She tightened her hand and fisted the fluffy grey blanket underneath her as she looked him in the eye. She breathed raggedly as he ran his hands all across her thighs. She whimpered when his rough fingers touched her warm stomach. He ran his hand up her smooth stomach before he cupped her small, but in his eyes, perfect breast. Her breathing picked up as she arched her back trying to get more contact.

He unbuckled her jeans and pulled them off her legs agonizingly slow. He climbed onto the bed and sat against the head. She looked at him confused as she sat up. He spread his legs and patted the mattress between them. Her brows furrowed, did he want her to blow him again? Don't get that wrong, she would, but...

He chuckled, "C'mere, sweetheart." She did as told and crawled over to him, sitting on her knees in front of him, waiting to be told what to do next, "Turn around and lean against me." She did as he said and settled between his legs, she could feel his semi-hard dick pressed against her back.

When he moved her hair to the side she tilted her head allowing him to kiss and suck at her neck, making her moan softly when he hit the right place. He took notice and paid more mind to that spot, noting it for later. As he continued trailing kisses on her neck his hand snaked around and went under her bra, squeezing her softly, earning another moan. He went to undo the clasp on her bra, pulling it off of her.

He slowly kneading her nipples between his fingers causing her back to arch and her breath to hitch. His left hand moved down her body and cupped her while his right hand continued to tease her nipples.

"Wearing these pretty pink panties just for me, Layla?" He asked huskily, causing her to moan again, "Hm? You ready for good ol' Negan to touch your pretty pink pussy? Rub that sweet little clit, make you writhe and moan and beg for me to let you cum? Are you ready for me, darling? Hm? Are you fucking ready?" She whined as she ground into his hand, his words making her ache more then she thought possible.

He slowly slipped his hand into her panties and let his finger slide between her lips. She moaned and he couldn't stop the moan that left his lips as well. Damn, she was wet. She was so much wetter then the night before. He applied light pressure to her clit, causing her hips to jerk. He bit his lip as he slowly circled her clit. She was making quiet noises at his slow motions. Her thighs twitched as he continued with his fingers.

Layla wrapped her left arm around his neck as she kissed him. This time it was just slow and passionate. He took his hand out of her panties as he cupped her face, just revelling in the moment for as long as he could. But when she moaned against him, it caused him to take action again, wanting to hear more from her. He pulled her panties off and continued his work on her clit.

"Fuck." She breathed as he rubbed her. They were looking at each other as he touched her. Her brows were furrowed as she was focused on feeling as much as she could and he was staring at her lustfully as he wet his lips with his tongue.

He gently teased her entrance with his finger, making her look down, "Relax, baby. I'll take good care of you. Make you feel so good, don't you worry about it." She nodded, "Do you trust me, Layla?"

Without hesitation she responded, "Yes." The response came so easily it surprised both of them. She didn't think that she's trusted anybody more then him and he was thrilled that she would trust him this quickly after everything she'd been through.

He slowly slid his middle finger into her to his knuckle. Her head fell back as she grasped his thigh. Shit, she was tight. He's never been inside of anybody this tight before. Imagine how good she would feel wrapped around his pulsing dick. She instinctively tried to close her legs, but Negan gently grabbed onto her thigh and kept them open.

"Put your legs over mine, sweetheart. Yeah, just like that." He said as she put her legs on either side of his so he could help her keep her legs open.

He just rubbed her thighs for a moment before she clenched around his finger and started to rock her hips against his hand, letting him know she was okay and ready.

He pressed his thumb firmly onto her clit causing her to gasp. He moved his other hand down to started rubbing her again as he moved his finger inside of her. She moaned as she started moving her hips in time with the rhythm he had set with his finger. He moaned into her ear, earning him a loud moan as her walls clenched hard around his finger. He was well aware and very proud of the effect he had on her.

She was close, he could feel it. Her breathing was becoming more ragged and she was bucking against him, "H-harder." She gasped out as she put her hand on his arm.

"What?" Did he hear that correctly? He hadn't wanted to be too rough with her and have her get uncomfortable.

"P-please." She panted, "H-harder!" She practically yelled. Whatever she wants, he can't tell her no. He could never tell her no, he'll always just do as she wants and try to make her happy. That might get him in trouble in the future, but let's let the future deal with itself.

He angled his finger more upward and slightly curled it as he fingered her faster and harder. He felt his cock jolt at the sound of her crying out his name. After another moment her eyes rolled back as her body convulsed and she clenched down hard on his finger. Then something happened that he wasn't quiet expecting.

She squirted.

He removed his finger and allowed the clear liquid to hit his blanket. She whimpered as he started rubbing her clit fast and hard, wanting to see and feel more, "Fuck!" She screamed as she quickly came again with a loud whine.

"Just like that, baby girl." He said huskily in her ear as he now slowly rubbed her, her body still shaking as she tried to come down, "Such a good girl, cumming all over me. Getting my bed all wet with your sweet juices." He moaned, "Fuck, I wanna taste ya again. Please," He said kissing her neck, "Please let me eat that sweet little pussy again. Let me make you cum again, baby girl, please."

She let out a shaky breath and tried to speak, but it just came out as a breathy moan. Negan moved from behind her and she layed down on the bed, waiting for him to do what he wanted. He layed open mouthed kisses on her stomach, taking a moment to lick at her nipples.

He couldn't stop himself long, though, as he was quickly between her legs licking and sucking as if his life depended on it. She screamed as she tangled her fingers into his hair. She was still very sensitive from the ministrations of his fingers, but it still felt fucking amazing. Her whole body shook as it didn't take long to get her close again. He growled against her as she pulled his hair, it was the damned most pleasurable pain he'd ever felt.

If it were up to him he would eat her sweet pussy ten times a day just to hear her screams. But, shit, did she taste better then his favorite whiskey or bourbon. Hell, she intoxicated him more then any drug ever could.

As she convulsed above and below him, around his tongue, he couldn't help but grab onto his rigid member and start pumping himself. Holy fucking shit, it was nothing compared to what she had made him feel like. But lord knows it was better then the pulsing pain of how hard he was.

He slowed himself as he sucked on her hard, making her cum. She was incredibly wet, but he didn't think she squirted this time. It was fine, though. He would give her some time then try to get her to do it in his mouth. He gave her one last long lick before putting a hand on her knee as he jerked himself faster until he was groaning and spurting his seed onto his bed beside her.

She breathed heavily as she looked at him, their eyes locking for a long moment. He stood up on shaky legs and lied down beside her, throwing off the blanket covered in their fluids. He pulled her towards him and she settled her head on his chest and draped her arm across his torso. He stroked her hair and sighed, more relaxed then he'd been in a very long time.

They just layed like that for almost thirty minutes, him rubbing her back softly. She had dozed off and he was almost asleep when a loud knock came to the door.

Layla quickly shot straight up and frantically looked around the room expecting to see men with knives and guns, hectic fighting. She expected there to be trouble. But as she looked around nothing seemed to be or have been happening.

Negan kissed the top of her head, "It's alright, Layla, just stay here." She nodded and pulled a sheet around herself. She watched him as he put his pants back on, suddenly another loud bang came to the door, causing her to flinch, "Give me a fucking minute!" He yelled as he hastily put on the rest of his clothes.

He barely opened the door before slipping out to talk to whomever was on the other side. She unwrapped herself from the bed sheet before getting herself dressed, finding one of his shirts thrown on a chair and putting it on because her shirt was still filthy.

Everything that had gone on since last night was slightly confusing her. Why would he want to be with her? She was nothing, she was worthless. How could he ever possibly want to be with her? He didn't, though. She knew that for certain. She wasn't sure why he was doing what he was doing but she knew there was no way he was doing it because he desired her. No one could ever want to be with her after everything, but he barely knows anything.

Hell, maybe he just thought he wanted to be with her, when actually he didn't. Because he didn't know her. Her brows furrowed as she sat on his bed. Maybe he was no better then those men back at that house. Maybe he was just using her for his own gain. Maybe all he wanted was to fuck her and he was just trying to make her trust him enough that he could catch her off guard.

Or maybe she was just letting her imagination get the best of her. He seemed like fine enough man. But that was another thing. He's a _man_. That's all she'd ever been with, men more then twice her age. Was that wrong? Was it a problem? Should she run before she can get hurt again? What even was the point in her being there? So that he could hurt her just like those other people had?

She was snapped from her thoughts when the door opened, just to quickly be shut again, "Are you ready for the day, Darlen'?" Negan asked with a smile. He bit his lip as he looked her over, she was wearing one of his t-shirts. Damn, it looked so much better on her. He wasn't sure how it was possible for his dick to grow so hard again, but shit it did, just by looking at her.

She nodded at his question, but she wasn't so sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fine, meh, complete bullshit? I'd love to hear what you think or if you have any suggestions or constructive criticism.


	4. Conflictions

Negan walked Layla to her room to grab a new shirt before taking her to her new work area. On their way there she couldn't help but feel uncomfortable and nervous. She was just confused about so much. She wasn't sure what she wanted or needed. She knew that she loved it during the things that they did, but after she couldn't help but feel wrong. Like something wasn't quiet right. But she was probably just being ridiculous. She was the one who lead him on both times they did stuff, he had no fault in anything. It was all her. Hell, it was always all her.

When they stopped in front of the door she looked up at him, "I'll come and pick you up at the end of the day, okay?" He said smiling at her, before putting his hand on the side of her face to kiss her softly.

She returned his smile and nodded. She was being ridiculous. Negan's a great man, gentle and tender. What could there possibly be to be afraid of? He wasn't going to hurt her, right? He kept telling her to just stop, or tell him to stop if she needed to. So what was the problem? She's just a goddamned idiot. If he truly liked her, what was the problem?

"So I'll see you later?" He nods but finds it hard to take his eyes off of her. She was fucking perfect. He honestly regretted telling her she could do this job. He just wanted to spend all his time with her in their bedroom. Talking, playing and just doing nothing. He wanted to get to know her, who she is.

Wait a fucking minute, "their" room? Well, shit, if it was theirs he'd have to try and convince her to spend more time with him in there. It shouldn't be too hard, though. She seemed to really be enjoying their time together.

"Go." He opened the door for her, "Have a good day. Have fun." As she walked in she quickly surveyed the room. There were two middle aged women gawking over a new baby, a couple of toddlers playing in the corner and a kid maybe 4 or 5 coloring at a table.

The women looked up at her and quickly gave her the most sympathetic looks that she thinks she'd ever seen. That confused her. She hadn't ever met these women, they didn't know anything about her, did they? Had Negan said something? She thought back and couldn't remember asking him not to, but something like that sure as hell should go without saying.

Layla looked at them confused, but before she could say anything one of the women quickly walked over to her and gave her a tight hug. It took everything she had in her to not push the woman away.

"I'm so sorry." She said as she pulled away.

As soon as Layla could take a step back, she did as she balled her fists and said, "What the-" She bit her tongue to stop from cursing as she looked around at the kids. She took a deep breath to calm herself, "What are you doing? What are you sorry about?" And who the fuck is she?

"I heard about the incident in the cafeteria this morning. You see, I heard that Negan threatened everybody and then dragged you out of there."

"Yes honey," The other woman said walking up, too, "I heard that he's been..." She cleared her throat, "Making you do things." Layla titled her head and glared at the women. They didn't know anything. She could've told him no at any point and he would have honored that, at least that's what he said, and that's what she's fighting to believe. These women obviously didn't know him, or care enough to ask her for the truth.

"Who did you hear that from?" Layla asked. She wanted to know who was spreading these rumors so that she could try and clear everything up. She didn't want people thinking that she's weak.

The first woman replied, "Oh, several people." Fucking perfect. Then she grabbed Layla's hand, "If he's hurting you you can tell us."

"Yes." The other woman said, "We just want to help."

Layla stepped close to them and whispered with a soft voice, "Shove it." Both women looked at her in shock. But before they could say anything she continued quiet enough so the kids couldn't hear her, "Neither of you know shit, so if you have any brains you'll shut the fuck up and stop making accusations and assumptions about something you have nothing to do with and know nothing about." It was crazy how much strength she found in herself at that moment. She was slowly beginning to feel more and more like herself. Like who she was before.

Neither women said anything so Layla tried to walk around them. But one of them grabbed onto her forearm, "You have no right to talk to us that way, young lady. We have been here far longer then you and have a much better idea of who that man is then you do."

Layla crossed her arms, "If he's so terrible, why are you both still here?"

"Things aren't as black and white as they seem, child. Neither is he."

What the hell's that supposed to mean? "And what kind of man do you think he is?" She asked with slight disgust.

"The kind of man that kills over anything and everything. The kind of man that manipulates people, rapes them." She stared at the woman in disbelief. This was complete bullshit, "Like he's done to you." Layla opened her mouth and closed it a couple of times not sure what to say as tears came to her eyes. This wasn't right, what this woman was saying wasn't right. Is couldn't be. Negan wasn't that kind of man, she knew it. At least she thought she did. Could she have just been naive? Were they right? Was he really a man that would force himself on a woman? But if he was, why hadn't he made her?

She knew that he'd killed a lot of people, sometimes over the most stupid things. But she also knew that what wasn't acceptable in the world before was now. That what you shouldn't do before you sometimes had to do now. He had to have people listen to him, one way or another, he had to gain obedience. Even if that obedience and submission branched off of fear.

She looked down at her shoes as she wiped her eyes, "Rape isn't just when a man physically forces himself on a woman." The second woman spoke up now as if she was reading her mind, "If the man manipulates a woman by means of threats and fear into having sex with him, that's rape, too. Like he did with Dwight's wife." The man with the scarred face, she recalled.

It hadn't even crossed her mind the fact that he had five wives, or the way that he might have gotten some of them. The thought made her feel disgusting. He's with so many women so often and she let him touch her. Fuck, she gave him a blowjob just earlier. What if he had screwed one of his wives just before their last encounter? That left a disgusting taste in her mouth. She couldn't remember tasting anyone on him, but who the hell knows.

Was he manipulating her? What was his end plans? She didn't know and she also couldn't stop the tears that rolled down her cheeks. She's tired of feeling beaten and used. She was tired of being hurt and manipulated. She just wanted somebody to be honest with her, to treat her like their equal and not like an animal that was just around to please their masters. No. She's done with that bullshit, fuck them all. Every last goddamned one of them. As far as she was concerned they could all just rot in hell.

Layla abruptly turned around and ran out the door, slamming it behind her. Not even caring about the baby that started screaming because of the noise. She didn't stop. She didn't look at anyone, didn't acknowledge them. She just ran through the halls as fast as she could. She didn't want this anymore. She was done. Tired. She couldn't afford to give a shit about anybody but herself. She saw where that got her last time.

When would this end? It felt like she was just holding on by a string. Her entire life people have tried to beat her into submission, try to make her feel like her life was over, pointless. Make her feel useless. For years she had been able to convince herself that everything they had told her was complete bullshit, but at that moment she couldn't. She felt as if she was being eaten alive from the inside out. She couldn't figure out why she was here at all. Why she was alive. Why whatever the fuck kind of God that was up there had allowed her to live as long as she had. Why couldn't she just stop feeling? Why did everything and everyone have to hurt so bad?

She was abruptly stopped with a hard grunt escaping her mouth by an arm grabbing onto her around the waist. She thrashed against the body until he let her go, her falling to the floor, hitting her knees hard. For a moment she thought it was Negan, which made her heart race even faster. She didn't think she could manage to look him in the eye at the moment, she didn't even feel like trying. She couldn't stop the tears that streamed down her face as every emotion and thought that had gone through her in the past few minutes hit her full force.

When she turned her eyes up she didn't see Negan. No, it was another man that she had only said a few words to.

It was Simon.

He turned around and craned his neck and looked down the hall before looking back at her, "What you running from, girl?" When he noticed the tears he crouched down in front of her. He didn't know very much about this girl. He remembered a few months ago when they had first found her scared and all alone, noticing right away Negan's immediate interest in her. Negan didn't confirm it in words, but he knew what was going on between them. They had talked early that morning about her and Negan had told him that she had been abused, he didn't know when or for how long, but she was subjected to horrible things.

The way Negan had pulled her out of the cafeteria that morning let Simon know for sure that they were fucking each other. He thought their relationship was a little strange considering that she was only about seventeen or maybe eighteen. He wasn't usually one to judge who other people chose to screw, but he thought it was weird. Slightly wrong, also, because all of what she'd been through.

But he supposed it didn't matter that much, not to him anyway. When she didn't respond to his first question he decided to ask another, "Are you okay?" More tears streamed down her face as she didn't answer him yet again. He was never very good at situations like this, so he decided to do the only thing he could think of. He picked up his walkie about to call Negan when Layla jumped at him and grabbed it out of his hands.

"Don't, please. I'm fine. Just don't call him." She was sitting on his lap with one of her hands resting on his chest and the other had the walkie. He layed on his back and just stared at her for a moment. Her eyes were still watery and red, but now she just looked panicked and scared as she looked down at him, "Please, Simon." Her voice cracked.

She slowly got up and offered him back his walkie talkie knowing that if he actually wanted it he was going to get it. No need to fight if he was going to do it he was going to do it. He took it from her hand as he stood up and looked her over. The fact that she had just tackled him to the ground surprised him, he wasn't expecting it, expecting her to be able to. Simon's brows furrowed as he let out a long sigh. Had Negan hurt her in some way? Why was she so scared of him calling him? What had actually happened between them?

"What happened, sweetheart?" Simon asked clipping his walkie talkie back onto his belt.

She wiped her eyes as she looked around the halls, not seeing anybody, she turned back to Simon, "Can you keep a secret?"


	5. Jealousy

Layla nervously bit her lip as she glanced up at Simon before dropping her eyes back down to her hands that were resting on the picnic table. Simon had led her out into the back yards of the sanctuary where he knew it would be fairly quiet because most everyone should be working at that time. Simon couldn't say he was too worried about what she was about to say. Negan may have a shit load of issues, but he knew that he was very stern on his views and rules about rape. He knew he wouldn't have forced himself on this girl, but that didn't mean he didn't pressure her, which he didn't think was much better then pinning her down and just taking her. But, again, who was he to judge?

She had to move her hands to her lap when they started shaking. She had managed to stop the tears, but she was still visibly upset. She took a shaky breath as she thought about how she wanted to say it. Should she just come clean and tell him everything? She didn't really trust this man, though. It didn't help that he was Negan's right hand. But she needed to get somebody's advice, even if they just told her she was being ridiculous.

She sighed deeply and began to speak, "Negan and I have... Since last night... Well, you see, he, uh... He sorta walked in on me." She said awkwardly as she wringed her hands together.  
His brows furrowed, "Caught you doing what?"

She looked him dead in the eye and said as calmly as she could, even though she still wanted to just crawl into herself and die, "He caught me with my hand down my pants." Simon wasn't quite sure what to say, but this conversation was getting strange. But luckily for him she continued to speak, although her face was turning a bright shade of red, "After he walked in... Some stuff happened between us, and again this morning. I mean I can't blame him for what happened because I started the shit, but..." She sighed and no longer looked at him, "Fuck, I don't know. I wanted to, I did, don't take any of this wrong. But... Oh, lord, I don't know how to say this."

He crossed his arms, "Then just say it."

Just when she was about to say something else Negan came walking up, baseball bat slung over his shoulder. He had been contacted and told that she had bolted from the nursery after some kind of spat with the other women. He didn't even bother talking to the women, not yet anyway, not until he knew that Layla was fine and safe. He didn't know what the argument was about, but it didn't really matter. He just had to know that she hadn't somehow managed to get out of the Sanctuary's walls and was now out there with the walkers.

Just thinking that could be a possibility terrified him. He would never and has never admitted when he's afraid, but this was the scariest thing in the world to him in those moments. What if he lost her? What if she died, or was going to die? What if she got raped again? He didn't know if he could handle that.

He may not know that much about her personally, but he felt like he did truly know who she was. He didn't give a dick's fuck if this sounded stalkerish, but he'd been watching her, observing her since they brought her back with them. She was an obsession of sorts to him, he didn't know why. He didn't know what it was about this girl, he didn't know why he liked her so goddamned much. But it was a feeling he just couldn't shake, and at this point didn't even want to.

He wanted to protect her, keep her from getting hurt ever again. He wanted her to be at his side through everything. Well, maybe not everything. He didn't want her to have to see him when he had to punish anyone. He wanted to keep her from seeing the things he had to do.  
Since the first time he saw her she was all he could think about. Every moment was flooded with thoughts of her. He hasn't even desired to be with any of his wives in months, or any other woman for that matter. Don't get that wrong, though, he has fucked almost every night. But he wasn't thinking about his wives when he was pounding into them, no, he was thinking of her. Always her.

Relief instantly washed through him when he got told that she was spotting in the yards with Simon. But within a few seconds anger and jealousy started coursing through him. Why the fuck was she talking to Simon? Why hadn't she gone to him with her problems? He set his jaw as he quickly made his way to the back of the large building until he made it to the door that led outside. He opened the door and just watched them for a moment, anger rising in his chest. He couldn't stand seeing them sit together, he trusted Simon not to do anything to her, but he couldn't stop the doubt running through his head.

He quickly made his way over to the table and said, "What are we talking about?" He ran his hand down the back of her hair, finding comfort in seeing her unharmed, and took a seat next to her.

Layla stared at him wide eyed. She didn't know how to handle the situation, she didn't think she'd have to confront him yet. But now she had to, and it didn't matter whether or not she wanted to. She bit her lip and tried to come up with a good lie that he would find to be acceptable, but her mind went blank and she couldn't think of anything to say. When she looked back up at Negan and saw the worry etched in his eyes she couldn't help but wonder how he really felt about her. Even though a smile was plastered on his face she could tell that he was bothered.

She stole a glance at Simon who said, "You see, sir-"

She shook her head. She couldn't lie to him, she didn't want to. That urge to tell the truth baffled her, she had lied countless times to get out of shitty situations, but she couldn't then. She needed to tell him the truth, even if he sent her away and didn't even want to look at her anymore.

"You." She interrupted Simon. Then her jaw clenched remembering what had gotten her so worked up in the first place. His manipulation with his "wives". The thought made her want to gag, the fact that he had wives bothered her more then the fact that he was possibly manipulating them into having sex with him. That baffled her as well, she would've thought that would have bothered her more, but it didn't. Just knowing the fact that he was sleeping around and touching other women is what was truly getting to her. The fact that other people besides her or him were giving him pleasure.

"What about me?" He asked sternly. He didn't take lightly to being talked about behind his back and he really didn't want to have to get mad at her, although he probably wouldn't really do much besides yell a few choice things. But Simon. Simon on the other hand, if he was contributing to any negativity towards him, especially to Layla, then they were going to have to have a few very private moments. But he did amend her for telling him the truth from the get-go.

Layla didn't break eye contact the entire time she spoke, "I've been through a lot of really bad shit in my life, things that not even you could imagine and I got scared. I'm not ashamed to admit that. But then on top of my already present fear some things that I hadn't thought about or didn't even know were brought to my attention and I got even more afraid. Afraid of you. Afraid of this place. Afraid of what you've done, what you're capable of doing. I got worried that something I never want to happen again was going to happen. I was afraid of being hurt and betrayed again. I don't want to have to go through that horse shit again when I'm not even over the last time it happened."

Before Negan responded he turned to Simon and gestured for him to leave, which without too much hesitation, he did. Negan sighed deeply as he tried to take her hand, but she pulled away and scooted back slightly making him sigh again, "Layla, do you remember what I told you when we first met? When you were afraid we were going to hurt you?" He wanted to be upset that she would think he would hurt her, but he had to remind himself she was hurting.

"You said you don't rape." She answered, expression unwavered.

"Yeah, that's right, and I meant it. I would never hurt a woman. Not like that, not ever. And I would never hurt _you, _Layla, not in any way. I like you, sweetheart, I really do." He swallowed hard and hoped she believed him.

"You say you don't rape, but what did to Sherry was no better. You took her from her husband and practically forced her to be your _wife_." She said the last word with disgust.

"I didn't force her to do anything." He said starting to get mad, "I gave her a choice and she _chose_ to be with me, that's it. I didn't make her do that, that was her decision not mine." Who the fuck was talking about his personal life behind his back? He deserved more respect than that.

"Well I don't!" She said tears welling in her eyes, "Not if you go around fucking other people. Not if you touch another woman before me, how the ever loving donkey fuck am I supposed to know if you just screwed one of your so called wives before I gave you a blowjob? How am I supposed to know what you do when you're not with me?" Tears streaked her cheeks as she sniffled.

He had to bite down hard on his lip in order not to smile. She really did like him, didn't she? And god fucking damn, she was jealous. She was jealous of his wives. Man, he could just scream out of pure happiness. He felt his chest tighten in a way he had never felt before and it scared him. Was he having a coronary? A heart attack? He knew it wasn't either of those things, but he didn't know how to explain, even to himself, quite how he was feeling at that moment. Definite relief, though.

He straightened up and looked at her in complete seriousness, "Do you want me to get rid of them?"

"Why would you do that?" She asked in disbelief. He didn't even know her and yet he said he was willing to stop seeing them? That seemed extremely unlikely.

"Because I don't need them. Yeah, sure it was nice for a time, but I'm over them. Layla, I haven't been able to keep you out of my mind. And it's not like I just wanna fuck you, either. I think about us, I think about how much I want to get to know you. I want to know everything, Layla, I want to know it all. I want to be there for you when you're happy and when you're having a really shitty day. I want to be there for all of it. Darling, I want to make so many good days with you our hearts won't know how to handle it." Shit that was sappy, but he didn't give a rat's ass. He needed her to believe him, to need to be with him, "So if I need to make them go away I will, do you want that?"

"You're not going to kill them, are you?" She may hate their slutty guts, but she still didn't believe that they deserved to die.

"Only if that's what you want." He said seriously. He didn't give a damn what happened to them.

"No. I want them to be sent back to work. Hard work." They deserved every bit of work they could get, "I want Sherry to be able to be with Dwight again. I want it to just be _us_."

"I think I can make that work." Negan said with a chuckle.


	6. His Office

Negan wrapped his arm around Layla's shoulder and gave it a light squeeze as an attempt to reassure her that it was fine. He wasn't worried very much by what people might think of them, but she couldn't help but feel selfconcious. She had never been very good at showing affection, let alone out where anyone and everyone could see. Her face turned red as she turned her eyes to the ground and fisted the back of his leather jacket, noticing that every person that they passed was giving them various looks. Ranging from confusion to disgust to Dwight's relieved face as he held his wife's hand and spoke softly to her.

It had only been a couple of days since their conversation and he didn't waste any time doing as he had said and making it so it was just them. A couple of his ex "wives" were relieved and the rest were more then slightly distraught when he had announced it to them all. They were even less pleased when he told them that they were to get back to work the next day with whatever jobs he could think of at the time to give them.

Layla was honestly pretty surprised when he told her that it was done. She hadn't actually expected him to do it. She felt relieved, yet kind of scared. She didn't think that she would be up to the task of pleasing him in the way that she knew he needed. They hadn't done anything sexual since before their conversation days before. She figured it was because she hadn't done anything to instigate anything, but she couldn't help but feel insecure about it. Although, on the other hand he had seemed pretty damn busy the past couple of days. She was determined to wait until he made a move, though.

He was swamped with work and agitated. Usually when he felt felt this way he would get a real good fucking and end it at that. But now, all he needed was to be with her to feel calmer. To feel right. They hadn't done anything sexual in days and he was starting to get really blue balled. He couldn't remember a time in his life where he even went one day without screwing some woman.

He wanted to get her in the bedroom again, he was just worried about scaring her away again, but this time not being able to find her. So he was doing his damndest to be patient, but fucking hell was it getting hard. It isn't like they'd really been able to see each other the past couple days, let alone being, well, alone. He's had to stay up until an ungodly hour to fix one person's shit or another.

She still stayed in her room, though he's planning on trying to change that very soon. He'd gone and checked on her both nights before he went to bed and he could tell she tried to stay up because she was still fully clothed in her jeans, t-shirt and boots. She was also not under the covers and was facing the door.

She didn't want to work with those women again but she wanted to do something productive. She just didn't know what, he just didn't want her to work at all. He wanted her safe and sound where he knew where she was the entire time. But for the moment they were trying to find a compromise.

Things seemed to be calmer that day so he wanted to spend as much of it with her as he could. He had picked her up right after breakfast and was taking her to his office. He rubbed up and down her arm, knowing how uncomfortable she was with everyone around them. There really wasn't much he could do about the stares at the moment. People would just have to learn to mind their own damn business.

Negan opened the door for her and she thanked him softly as she stepped into the room. She walked over to his desk and let her fingers run across the front as she quickly scanned the top that was filled with papers and such normal objects. It astonished her just how normal some of these rooms looked. If she didn't know better she'd say she was in the office of some businessman. Well, in a sense she kind of was. But, it looked just so fucking normal.

Kind of like his bedroom. It was so big and majestic. Almost like it had gotten lost in time. It was huge and so much nicer then anywhere she'd ever stayed in the past. Given the fact that they lived in a factory, it must have taken him a long time to get everything he had and get it set up so nicely.

Layla turned around and looked at him as she leaned against the desk. He was just watching her from a few feet away, "What did you wanna do?" She asked with a raised eyebrow and smirk forming on her face.

"Whatever the fuck you want to do, sweetheart." Negan replied, tucking her hair behind her ear before gently placing his hands on her hips.

She put her hands on his biceps and reached up to place her lips onto his. The kiss was tender and sweet, full of passion. He pulled away long enough to shove all of his stuff to the back of the desk only to connect their lips again. He grabbed underneath her thighs and lifted her onto his desk.

He put a hand on her hip and tangled his other in her blonde hair and stood between her legs as he deepened the kiss. He licked her lip and she opened her mouth for him. He entered her mouth, running his tongue along hers, earning a soft moan. He let out a groan for himself when she pulled his hips to hers as they kissed sloppily.

She pulled away and looked him in the eye with a smile, "Lock the door."

He swallowed hard and smoothed out her hair before he quickly composed himself with a smirk, "Yes, ma'am." He walked over to the door and turned the lock. He stood facing the door for a moment as he cleared his throat. Damn, the way this girl made him feel was insane. He turned around with a smile and walked back over to her. He pecked her on the lips before wrapping her hair in his fist and lightly tugging her head back, "Just tell me to stop, okay?"

She tried to nod her head but he didn't allow her to move. So she licked her lips and said with a whimper, "A-alright." She didn't mind that he was being dominant with her. In fact, it was making her have to resist squirming on her perch on the desk.

A growl escaped from deep in his throat as he attached his lips to her neck, sucking roughly at her sensitive skin. He was for sure going to leave a mark, but she didn't give a donkey's dick about it. He dragged his teeth over her neck before licking the shell of her ear. She gripped tightly onto the cool leather of his jacket as he slightly tugged her shirt down and nipped the skin of her collarbone.

She whimpered as he ran his tongue across the bite and up the front of her neck before roughly capturing her mouth with his again. He tugged at her shirt and she lifted her arms, helping him take it off as he threw it to the floor. He kissed her deeply as his hands ran up her sides and then back down, resting on her hips. She unzipped his jacket and slid it off of his arms, placing it beside her.

She hooked her fingers into the waistband of his jeans only for him to pull away. She looked at him questioningly, but he just slid off her boots and trailed his fingers slowly up her legs. When he got to her belt he looked her in the eye as he undid it, and then her button and zipper. He pulled her pants down and off of her, dropping them to the floor with her shirt.

Negan reached behind her and swept everything on the desk to the floor. She could only assume he was trying to make that look sexy, and by god, it probably was. But that didn't stop her from bursting into laughter, she wasn't sure what she found so funny but she had to wipe her eyes as she tried to compose herself. But as soon as a large smile formed on his face she started laughing again.

He hadn't heard her laugh before. Let alone smile so genuinely. He couldn't help but smile himself at her reaction. He wasn't sure what she found to be so funny, but it didn't much matter to him. He was just glad to see her so happy.

When she started to calm down he gave her a tender kiss and put his hand on her chest and gently pushed her down until she was laying on the desk. He licked his lips as he looked down at her mostly naked body, scarce of anything except her underwear.

Layla watched him as he took his shirt of and kicked away his boots. He undid his pants and shoved them down and off him. He closed the small space between them and grabbed onto her hips and pulled her forward until they connected. By his observations he knew that she enjoyed to be dry humped. It wasn't something he would normally do, especially to get off, but he was more then willing to show her how it's done.

His grip tightened as he ground his hips into hers. Her body jerked by the sudden action and she leaned up on her elbows and looked down at him as he rolled his hips against her. She let out a small whimper as he continued rubbing. She tried to move her hips with his, but he didn't allow her to move as he held her firm.

She swallowed hard and bit her lip as he, without warning, pulled away and walked around his desk. She sat up and turned to him. He held out his hand and she took it. He led her over to the long black couch on the left side of the room. He sat down and pulled her down with him, onto his lap. He reached to her back and unclasped her bra, sliding it off of her. He ran his hands up and down her sides, causing her to shiver.

He took her right nipple into his mouth as an arm wrapped around her waist. She let out a quiet moan as he teased her other nipple with his fingers. She rocked her hips against him as he continued his minstrations on her breasts. He pulled his mouth away with a pop before placing his mouth on the other side of her neck.

He took control of her again as he put his hands back on their place on her hips. She moaned just from the feeling of his hardness against her core. He pushed her down onto him as he pushed up into her. She put her hands on his shoulders as continued pushing up into her.

Her legs squeezed either side of him as quiet noises left her mouth, "Please." She whimpered between breaths, "Please."

He pulled away from her neck and looked her in the eye, breathing heavily, "Please what, darling?"

"Ca-can I... " Her head flung back as she moaned loud, "I- I want... Fuck." She breathed as he continued rolling his hips into her. She shook against him as she put her fingers down the waistband of her panties and tugged them down as much as she could, "P-please. I- I... More, please." He smirked as he allowed her to lift her hips enough to hastily rid herself of her panties.

"Holy shit." He breathed out as she lowered herself back onto him. He could feel how fucking wet she was through his boxers. She placed her hands back on his shoulders as she ground into him with a moan. His hips jerked as he watched her rub herself on him. He felt himself getting close but he held it back wanting to enjoy the show as long as possible.

She chewed on her lip and tried to stay quiet. She didn't think the room was sound proof and didn't want the risk of anybody hearing her. But when her clit rubbed just right against the material of his boxers she couldn't hold back the loud moan that fell from her lips. She was close and didn't know if she could hold it in very long because it felt so damn good.

Her thighs tightened and her fingernails raked down his shoulders causing him to wince. Fuck, he didn't mind her getting rough, holy hell. He kissed her hard as he grabbed her hips and ground up into her until she was practically screaming against his mouth. She buried her face into the crook of his neck as she jerked her hips involuntarily.

"Come on, baby girl, cum for me." He growled into her ear when he didn't think he could hold back any longer, "Fuck, Layla, you feel so good. So good." With that her thrusts became wild as she came undone on top of him and he spurted his cum inside of his boxers.

She fell limp against him as they both tried to catch their breath, "Fuck." He breathed as he wrapped his arms around her and lied down on the couch, with her on top of him. Her head rested on his chest and one of her legs of draped over his waist. He chuckled making her look up at him, "The last time I jizzed in my boxers was when I was a snot nosed, pimple faced, little punk. Lord," He smiled down at her, "That was fucking amazing."

"Yeah," She agreed running her fingers through the hair on his chest, "But next time we do it in your room."


	7. Those Three Words

After resting for a few minutes Negan got up to clean himself off. He put on a pair of jeans and she just put her panties and bra back on before they settled back onto the couch. He sat with his arm around her, holding her close for a minute before he spoke.

"How long were you alone before I took you in?" She looked up at his face for a moment not sure why that mattered. But his face was hard and serious, so she just answered.

She looked down and absentmindedly toyed with the waistband of his jeans, "Not quite two weeks, I think." She bit her lip afraid of what all he was going to ask her. Afraid of what she'd tell him. Afraid that if he even knew a fraction of what her life was, of what she'd done, then he wouldn't want to be around her anymore. But she just swallowed hard and tried to remain calm.

He almost asked how she survived by herself, but thank god, stopped himself. He knew almost certainly she would get offended by that question and besides, he already knew the answer to that. She was one tough mother fucker. There was no doubt in his mind that she would fight tooth and nail to survive, she definitely had the strength to make it after all the bullshit she'd gone through.

So instead he asked something simpler, "Where are you from?" He just wanted to know more about her. He wanted her to get more comfortable just talking with him.

She sighed deeply as she rested her hand on his thigh, "I was born in Kansas, but we didn't stay there very long." She wiped a hand down her face and searched for the best way to explain things, "We... um... we moved around a lot when I was young and a few years back we settled in Virginia." She looked up at him with a small smile, "And I'm sure as fuck glad we did."

He smirked at her curse, "Yeah? Why's that?" He wouldn't have thought after what she went through here that she would've been happy to have ended up there before all of it.

"Because if I hadn't been here, then I probably wouldn't have met you." She said placing a kiss on his cheek before standing up and walking over to his office chair and sitting down with one of her legs draped over the arm, "Where are you from?"

"Washington." He said sitting forward with his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands trying to diminish the blush on his face, "I worked as a gym teacher at the local high school." He continued without being prompted. He had to talk to her for her to be willing to talk to him, "After the world turned I left town and wandered briefly before I met Simon and some other men, not all of them are still alive at this point, and I found this place and built it from the ground up." He chuckled, "When I first got here this place was a pile of shit on concrete, and now," He said triumphantly with spread arms, "Now this place is truly awesome."

She cocked an eyebrow and crossed her arms, "You're pretty cocky, aren't you?"

He smiled wide, "That is something I'm pretty known for, darling." He bit his lip, "I worked my ass off getting this place as it is for all the people that live here."

"Oh, no doubt." She said standing and circling his desk before picking up his jacket and slipping it onto her ams, "I used to have one of these you know." She said looking herself over. It was way too big on her lithe form. It went right past her ass and it was incredibly wide and baggy. But hot fucking damn did she look amazing. 

He bit the side of his hand to try and control himself as he watched her look at herself. A tingle ran from his spine all the way down to his toes as he looked at her wearing not much more than his jacket. He grabbed the front of his pants and readjusted the crotch trying to make it more comfortable.

"Yeah?" He asked through his hands after swallowing hard, "But I doubt it looked anywhere near as fucking amazing on you as mine does."

She smiled at him as she walked over and sat in his lap, facing him. She looked down when she felt his hardness underneath her. She bit her lip and looked up at him through her lashes, "Am I getting you worked up again?"

He put his hands on her ass, "You looking at me like that makes me just as fucking horny as you wearing my clothes does."

"Yeah?" She said kissing him, "Do you know what gets me going?" He raised an eyebrow and licked his lips, she leaned in and whispered in his ear, "The feeling of your  _ hard cock _ pressed against me. Having my hand wrapped around you." She placed her hand on the front of his pants and stroked him through the denim, "And more than anything I love feeling the heat against my tongue and listening to your groans as  _ I  _ bring you closer to the edge."

"Fuck." He breathed unable to say anything else as he felt himself getting painfully hard at her words and touches.

"Do you wanna turn me on even more, Negan?" She asked unbuttoning his jeans and pulling the zipper down before reaching her hand in and grabbing him.

A low growl rang from the bottom of his throat, "Whatever it takes to get you off, Layla." She snorted at his response and dropped to her knees in front of him.

She tugged his jeans down and off of him before taking him back into her hand. She stroked him slowly and ran her thumb over his head. She lowered her head down and took his head into her mouth, sucking gently. He let out a low moan as he put his hands behind his head and watched her. She struggled to keep her mouth open wide enough to accommodate his size, but she did her best and took about two-thirds of him into her mouth before tears pricked the corners of her eyes.

She took in slow breaths through her nose as she ran her tongue along the pulsing vein on the underside of his cock. He let out a groan as she pulled her head away and he saw his precum connecting her mouth to his dick. She trailed her tongue all the way from his balls to his head, making sure to flick her tongue from under the tip.

"Holy fuck." He groaned out as his hips bucked. She swirled her tongue around his head several times before taking him back into her mouth. She took him about as far as last time before she gagged. She looked up at him fearfully as she quickly removed her head.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, please." She pleaded as tears came to her eyes. She wasn't allowed to gag or struggle when she went down on someone. She wasn't allowed.

"What are you sorry for?" He asked in confusion. He had no idea what could have bothered her with what was happening. Cause fuck, it felt even better then last time. He thought she was doing a great job and wasn't prepared for her to stop. He tried to ignore the slight pain that resided in his dick at the loss of contact because of how close he was as he looked at the scared girl in front of him.

"You… you're just longer and thicker then … then they were and… and I'm sorry I couldn't do it, Negan. I'm sorry." She said as a tear rolled down her cheek.

His jaw set as he realized what was happening. She was having a flashback or something of her time with those sorry mother fuckers. They must have gotten mad, or damn him for even thinking this, violent with her for not being able to take all of them easily. For gagging when it became slightly too much to handle. The thought disgusted him. So many things about that disgusted him.

The fact that he couldn't be her first, that other men had been with her. He wasn't sure if she was a virgin before them, but the sentiment was the same either way. The fact that she was handled with violence, especially to the extent that he suspected. She deserved  _ so _ much better then that, she deserved the world and then some. The fact that he knew he couldn't make the pain go away was the worst thing of all to him. All he wanted to do was be able to make the hurt go away. But he knew he couldn't.

He got down on the floor beside her and hugged her to him tightly. She flinched hard when he first touched her, but soon relaxed against him, "It's alright, sweetheart. You don't have to be scared. Never again. I won't ever let anybody lay a finger on you, okay? And I sure as hell would never lay a finger on you. Do you understand me, baby?" He pulled away to look into her eyes, "Do you?" She just sniffled, "You're safe here. You're safe with  _ me _ ." He wiped her tears away with his thumb.

She got up on her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck as she let out a shaky breath, "You're not mad at me?" She asked in the most heartbreakingly sad voice he'd ever heard and it made him have to take a deep breath as he felt tears come to  _ his  _ eyes.

"I could never be mad at you, Layla. Never. Baby, I love you." Oh, shit. Oh, holy mother fucking shitting shit from Mrs. Anderson's ass. Did he just say that? Oh god, oh no, he hadn't meant to say that last part. He was instantly terrified that he had scared her away for good. That there was no way he could convince her to stay with him after that. There was no fucking way she would feel the same! But damn, he'd actually meant it.

She stiffened in his arms. He felt her breathing pick up as she pulled away from him and as she looked at his face. Had he really just said that? Holy shit. There was no way he could’ve actually meant it. Her whole life has been full of empty “I love yous”, it was always just an instant reaction for her when things would get especially bad. Like when her father would beat her she would always say “I’m sorry, daddy. I love you.” Or after she would get raped her perpetrator would sometimes tell her that they loved her and she was forced to say it back or face the consequences.

But nobody could actually love her, she knew that. Her father never actually cared about her and those men sure as fuck never did, either. She never had any friends or extended family that gave a shit about her. She had convinced herself after everything that had happened that nobody could actually love her, that she was unlovable. There was no way that he could actually love her, nobody loved her.

“No you don’t.” She said with furrowed brows and glaring eyes. When he didn’t say anything and just stared at her with a stern look her head tilted and her face softened slightly, “Do you?”

“I’ve never felt for anybody else the way I feel for you, Layla.” He bit his lip and watched her unfazing face, “I think… Ah, fuck me. I do. Layla, I love you.” After all there was no taking back what he had said before.

She swallowed hard and took off his jacket, setting it in his lap. She didn’t say anything as she stood up and put back on her jeans. She looked back at him as she perched herself on the edge of his desk. He had put his own jeans back on, not feeling the same arousal he did before, and was standing several feet away from her.

“That’s terrifying.” She said quietly as she looked him in the eye, “I’ve been told that countless times and it’s always been complete bullshit. Fuck, I’ve said it countless times and it’s always been bullshit.” She held her hands out and silently asked him to come closer, which he did as he took her smaller hand into his larger, “It’s just hard for me to believe that you could ever actually love me, that anybody could. I want to believe you, I do, it’s just I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I can say it back, either.”

“Then don’t. You don’t have to say it and you don’t have to believe me, but just know that I  _ do _ care very deeply about you.” He said running his fingers through her hair.

She got down off of the desk and put back on her shirt before looking at him, “Can I go lay down for now? Please?” He just nodded his head and was about to ask her if he could walk with her, but before he could get anything out she was already out the door with her boots in hands.

How did he manage to mess up again?


	8. Is It Time?

Negan wasn't very worried when Layla didn't show up for lunch, and he figured he should probably give her some space. But he was starting to get worried when she didn't show up at dinner. He sat with Simon as the other man ate, snapping his head up every time someone walked through the doors. He didn't tell Simon exactly what had happened, but he told him he had said something that he probably shouldn't have.

Simon had offered the advice of giving her some time and trying to talk to her later. That was what he was already going to do, so he just agreed with him. But as he kept looking around the room and at the door Simon finally spoke up, "Why don't you just go see her? She's probably in her room."

Negan sighed and scrubbed a hand down his face, "Yeah. I think I should make sure she's fine."

Simon found it hard to believe that Negan actually could care about this young girl that much. It was crazy how he was acting toward her. Sure, she was cute, but she was just so young and broken and scared that he wondered why Negan was so attracted to her. She had no tits and she didn't really have an ass. She did have a pretty face, though, and beautiful, thick golden hair that went to the top of her breasts. She also had long legs and a calm voice. So he supposed he could see why Negan would want her, but he didn't think she was of the right mindset to be fucking a man just  _ that _ much older then her.

But he decided to not mention any of that, "She's probably hungry, too." They hadn't seen her eat since early that morning at breakfast.

Negan nodded his head and stood up, "Yeah… Yeah, okay." He quickly made his way to the kitchen and grabbed a couple bowls of soup, mashed potatoes and a few slices of bread. He put it all on a tray and made his way out of the cafeteria and made a quick detour to his room to grab her a coke before moving as fast as he could without spilling anything.

He balanced the tray in one arm as he rasped his knuckles against the bedroom door. He waited a few moments with no response before he brought his fist down on the door again, knocking a little louder then he had intended. He couldn't help but get excited when he heard footsteps inside the room before the doorknob twisted and was slowly opened, revealing the girl that he was looking for.

He smiled wide and held out the food for her, "I figured you'd be hungry, so I wanted to bring this up for you." He cleared his throat, "And I'd understand if you want to take this and have me beat it."

"No." She said grabbing onto his arm and gently tugging him in before closing the door behind them, "I want you to stay." She looked down at her feet before looking back up at him again, "That is if you want to."

After she had left his room that morning she had practically sprinted to her own, falling onto her bed and just crying for she didn't know how long. She was freaking out and didn't know how to feel. She wanted to believe that he could actually care for her that deeply, but she found it next to impossible to accept.

But she did really like him and felt horrible for how she had acted, how she had just ran away from the problem that  _ she  _ had made. He was just trying to be nice to her and she just blew him off and ran. She didn't understand the way that she felt for him, she did know that she felt for him deeply, though. Which is why she's disappointed in herself for not being the girl he needs. Nobody needs someone as fucked up as her.

She felt humiliated in herself for everything that went down so she just stayed in her room hoping that there was any way that she could just disappear. It wasn't like she felt hungry, either, so she was just going to stay there until the next morning when she felt like she could face him easier, when she had enough time to figure out what she'd say.

But when he showed up at her door in the evening she couldn't help but feel relieved. He didn't appear to be mad at her for running. She hoped, anyway.

She didn't know exactly what she'd say, but she didn't want to see him walk away, "Course I want to." He said setting the tray down on the foot of the bed.

"I'm sorry about earlier." Layla said sitting down with her legs crossed on the middle of the bed, "I'm sorry for running, for being such a fucking pussy."

"You don't have to apologize." He said sitting down beside her, " _ I _ scared you.  _ I  _ fucked up.  _ I _ should be the one saying sorry."

She looked up at him with furrowed brows, "So you're really not mad at me? About anything?"

He shook his head, "The only ones I'm mad at are the mother fuckers who made you feel this way to begin with. The ones that beat you down to shit, the men that hurt you. You're not to blame for any of it, those dickbags are the ones that'll truly be sorry if I ever lay my eyes on any of them."

"I like you, too." She said, grabbing a piece of the bread, "I need you to know that I do." She took a bite, "I'm just so scared all the time of every goddamned thing and every goddamned person. I don't know how not to be. I'm tired of being scared, of being in pain. I wanna be like you." She said sitting up on her knees and grabbing both sides of his open jacket with her hands, "I want to be brave and strong. I want to be bold and take what I want when I want it. I don't want to be afraid of anything or anyone. I want respect."

"You have mine." He said as he placed his hand on her waist, “After all the shit you’ve survived, how could I not? And you _ are _ strong, if you weren’t you wouldn’t still be alive.”

She smiled at him and placed a tender kiss on his lips, “I’m fucking  _ starving _ .” She said, turning to the tray of food, she hadn't realized just how hungry she was until she smelled the food, “Have you eaten yet?”

"Nah," He was too worried about her to even think about eating, "But I'd like to join you." She nodded her head and handed him a bowl of soup and the coke, "No, honey, that's for you." He said, giving her back the can.

"Really? I haven't had one of these in forever." She said holding the sweating can in her hand. She opened it and took a sip, "Holy shit, I didn't even realize how much I missed these." She handed him the can, "Take a swig." He smiled as he took a drink from the red can, "I've always liked coke more."

"Then Pepsi?" She nodded, "Yeah, I agree. Between you and me, I think Pepsi's what started the apocalypse."

She laughed, "I thought it was the crystal meth."

"Coulda been." He said with a chuckle, "But personally I've had worse experiences with Pepsi then with meth." She smirked at him as she started eating.

Things were pretty quiet as they ate their food, both revelling in just being able to sit there amidst the calm. After they finished their food she looked at him for a moment trying to work up the courage to ask what she wanted. She sighed and scooted closer to him. What was the point in being scared, right?

"Do you wanna stay the night? Or… or I can stay the night in your room?" That would be more comfortable then if they had stayed in her empty room and lied on the firm mattress.

"Yeah?" He asked with a huge grin. He was more then fucking glad that he hadn't completely shitted all over their relationship, "Yeah." He nodded, "Yeah, that'd be great." He said, more sure of himself that time.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and placed a kiss behind his ear, "I really  _ do  _ like you, Negan."

"I know, sweetheart, and now you know how I feel." He said as he put his hand on the side of her face and brushed his thumb across her cheek, "But I am sorry about what happened earlier. I hadn't meant to say it and I sure as hell didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or scare you or anything like that." He moved his face closer to hers, "I don't want you to feel pressured into anything. So tell me, just like you did. I want you to tell me if something's making you uncomfortable or is bothering you. I don't want you to be scared, Layla. Not of me."

"I don't wanna be scared." She said grabbing his hand, "Not of you. Not of this place. Not of the people here. Not of myself." She wouldn't meet his eye as she traced figures onto his palm with her finger, "I want to be carefree and not worry. I want to love, to actually know what love is. What it feels like to be loved.”

"Let me show you then." He said holding her hand in his as he kissed her softly. She moved to straddle his waist as she wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. He ever so slightly pulled away, “My room?” Their noses were touching and he could still feel her soft lips touching his when he spoke.

“Uh huh.” She said lightly brushing her lips against his, but backed away slightly when he tried to kiss her again. She chuckled at his mock pout and slid off of his lap and pulled him up with her, “And maybe we can do a little more tonight." She smirked at him as he bit his lip.

The thought made her incredibly nervous and scared, but she wanted to. She wanted to be ready. She wanted to make him happy. She wanted to make him feel what those other women had. She wanted  _ him _ .

His feelings about all of that were still  _ so  _ complicated. Yeah, sure, he wanted to fuck her, no not fuck her, he wanted it to be so much more sensual then that. He wanted to make love to her. But he was worried that she wasn't ready, that she was just doing what she thought  _ he _ wanted instead of what  _ she  _ wanted. The last thing he wanted was to go too fast and have her freak.

He didn't want to say no, but should he? Putting aside the smirk, he could see in her eyes, and the slight crinkle in her forehead, just how scared and nervous she was. He wasn't sure if that was good or bad, though, maybe a bit of both.

"Only if you're sure you're ready." He said, heart thrumming against his chest.

She offered him a warm smile before grabbing his hand and leading him out of the room, "It'll be alright." She tried to reassure him, and maybe herself, too.

Negan swallowed hard and repeated himself, "Only if you're sure."

Layla wrapped her arm around his and held his hand with her other. Just like last time she couldn't help but be embarrassed by the eyes that watched them as they walked, by their faces. But she did her best to keep her head up, she didn't want to be ashamed anymore. She didn't want to be scared. She wanted to not care about judgement and disgust. It was hard, though.

"It'll be okay." She said quietly as she pressed herself against him.

He wrapped his arm around her waist, "Because we'll make it okay."


	9. Slow and Tender

Negan was determined to make this as enjoyable for her as he possibly could. He was going to treat her like a virgin and make the whole thing all about her. He could see the nervousness in her face, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t pretty damn nervous himself. He can’t remember the last time he was this nervous, or excited for that matter, to have sex with anyone. He was almost trembling from the fear and anticipation of it.

He reached behind himself and locked the door before gently pulling Layla to him. He kissed her softly, “We’ll take it slow.” She nodded her head and kissed him again. It was slow and tender, exactly how he wanted the entire night to go.

He placed his hands on her hips and slowly guided her backwards and held her head as he lowered her down onto the bed. He trailed slow kisses down her cheek, briefly sucking on her earlobe before leaving a few open mouthed kisses on her neck. He gently ran his tongue over the bruise on her neck that he had left earlier before kissing her, he slightly regretted the spur of the moment decision to leave marks. He really did want to go slow and be gentle with her.

She put her hands on his jacket and pulled it off of his shoulders before tugging his undershirt out of his pants. He ran his hands up her sides and tugged at the bottom of her shirt to let her know that he wanted her to lift her arms and disconnect their lips long enough to take her shirt off. He continued to take off her shirt before taking his own off, next he started laying more open mouthed kisses onto her neck.

He moved a little lower and soothingly ran his tongue over his bite mark on her collarbone. She sucked in a breath when he licked a trail over the exposed skin right on top of her bra. She felt herself getting even more worked up when he tugged her bra down enough for him to lick at her areola, her nipples hardening instantly.

He put his hands on her sides and she arched her back enough for him to reach behind her and unclasp her bra. He slid the material down her arms and dropped it to the floor before kissing up between her breasts. She slightly wriggled beneath him and giggled.

He smirked against her skin and put his face by hers and kissed her ear before huskily asking, "What is it, darling?"

"You're beard tickles." She said as she gently ran her fingers down his jawline.

He rubbed his stubble, "Want me to shave it?" He really couldn't care either way about that shit, so whatever made her happy he would do.

"No." She replied, ghosting her lips against his, "I kinda like it." He growled lowly into her ear as he ran his hand up her body and slightly tweaked her nipple causing her to gasp. He captured her mouth with his and kissed her hard as he grabbed the side of her face, finding it tough to go slow. He was impatient and wanted to know what she felt like around him, but he had enough self control to hold himself back. He had to remind himself that it's not about him, it's about her. That night was all about her.

She deserved to be handled with gentle hands, with kind movements. She deserved him to be tender and treat her with loving care. He wanted her complete and utter trust, but he wasn't an idiot, he knew that he had to work for it. She deserved the very best from him and from every goddamned person that he had working for him. If he found out that someone was treating her poorly? Well, let's just say that they're gonna be putting on their shitting pants.

He broke the kiss and started laying gentle kisses on her cheek and neck. She had one hand on his head and the other on the forearm of the arm that was still holding her face. She watched him as his kisses slowly started to trail lower until he got to the top of her breasts. Nobody had ever taken this much care with her, she didn't quite know how to feel. But she knew that she liked it as her body was tingling like crazy and her back arched as he ever so slightly ran his tongue over her nipple.

He wrapped his lips around one of her nipples, making the moan that she had been suppressing come spilling out. He hadn't even really done much yet and she already felt amazing, the way he was making her feel was so insane and very new. The feeling of his hot breath against her bare skin was enough to have her quivering. But his tongue? Holy mother of hell. As his tongue swirled around her nipple her body felt electric. As his hot tongue glided across her chest to her other nipple she couldn't help but grasp onto his arm and bite her lip.

He gently sucked as he flicked his tongue several times until she was squirming beneath him and breathing heavy. He kneaded her other nipple between his fingers, causing her to squeeze her legs against his hips and moan loudly. He didn't think it could ever cease to amaze him just how sensitive her nipples were. He was pretty sure that if he continued that he could get her to cum without even touching her pussy. He was sure going to test that theory at some point _very soon._

But for now he just wanted to feel how wet she was. He played with her nipples for another minute before venturing even further down, leaving wet kisses in his wake. She swallowed hard as he unbuckled her belt and undid her button. He unzipped her jeans and tugged them down her hips and halfway down her thighs. He slid off her boots and thought for a moment.

He was going to taste her tonight, but not yet. He wanted to get her close with his hands before he went down on her. So he pulled her jeans down and off before climbing up and placing his lips onto hers. He moved them so that her head was resting on the pillows to make sure that she was comfortable, never separating their lips. One of his hands were tangled in her hair and the other was low on her abdomen.

He massaged her tongue with his as his fingertips dipped into her panties just far enough to feel the short hairs that resided there. He swirled his tongue around hers, his hand going a little further so that he felt the soft skin of her pussy, but not far enough to make contact with her clit. She groaned out in frustration from his slow movements. She was about to protest when he took his hand completely out of her panties, grabbing her face and sucking on her tongue.

She moaned loudly, never having someone do that before. It was a strange sensation, but she'd be lying if she said that she didn't love it. There weren't very many things she could say that she hadn't experienced, but the way he was kissing her was unlike anything that had ever been done to her. He pulled away after another moment and stared at her lust filled face. Her face was flushed, her lips were puffy and her eyes were dilated. He was sure that he looked similar at that moment.

She bit her lip and stared up at him with the most fucking beautiful blue eyes he'd ever seen. He stared into her eyes, just then noticing that she had specks of brown in her left one. She was gorgeous and it intoxicated him just looking at her. Damn, he could just stare into her eyes for hours and be content.

It was fun watching her squirm, but he was done teasing her. If he went on like that too much longer it would start to get cruel. That's not what he wanted. He'd never want to be mean to her. Never. He was going to give her what he knew she needed. He was going to give her relief.

He kissed her cheek before nuzzling his nose into her hair and sliding his hand down her smooth stomach and into her panties. He snaked his arm under her and wrapped it around her waist as she spread her legs for him. He put his middle finger between her lips and muttered a "Fuck". She was fucking soaking through her panties. He ran his finger up and down a few times before firmly pressing it against her clit. Her hips jerked and she let out a loud gasp.

She searched for something of him to grab onto as he started rubbing slow, precise circles. She held onto the hand that was resting on her hip as his motions slowly increased in speed. She moaned when a strong jolt of pleasure shot through her. She wasn't difficult to get off, he didn't really have to work too hard on her to get her to the edge. It was amazing to him just how sensitive and responsive she was to his touch.

He loved listening to her soft sighs and moans, he loved the way her body shook and squirmed and he loved the way that her hips were moving with his hand. Her back arched and she whimpered as he started kissing her neck, his fingers slowing down slightly. He could tell that it wasn't going to be long before she came, so he began to slowly kiss his down her body until he was in between her legs.

When he breathed in her arousal he decided it was getting well past time to loosen his pants, as they were beginning to become painful. He was going to leave his pants on, but he undid them to relieve some of the pressure. He hooked his fingers into the waistband of her panties and pulled them down her hips and off her legs. He rubbed his hands over her thighs and met her eye as his face slowly inched closer to her.

She felt her face heat up as she watched him about to go down on her. This wasn't the first time that he had done it, so she didn't know why seeing his face between her legs embarrassed her so much. She propped herself up better on her elbows and watched him kiss her thighs before he flattened his tongue and running it up the length of her lips, never breaking eye contact.

She took in a shaky breath and bit her lip when he sucked on one of her lips. When he flicked her clit she dropped back down onto the bed and slightly pushed her hips toward him. He twirled his tongue around her hard nub until she began to let out small whines and jerk her hips, then he wrapped his mouth around it and lightly sucked. Her head flew back and her back arched as she moaned loudly.

As he continued licking at her clit he slowly pushed his middle finger into her. He tried to put another one in, but _shit_ was she tight. She grasped the blanket beneath her and whimpered, he had no idea how she was going to manage to take all of him. He couldn't believe how a girl this tight had been forced to have sex so many times, with how tight she was it was hard to believe that she wasn't actually a virgin. He couldn't even begin to fathom just how much pain his girl was forced to endure.

There was nothing he could do to take away her pain, give back to her what those monsters had taken. But what he could do was give her the first time that she deserved. He could tell that she was getting close by the way she was panting and wriggling, by the way she moaned his name and clenched around his fingers.

He scissored his fingers, trying to loosen her up slightly, get her ready for something more. He could tell by the way she hissed when he did that, that it hurt. He hated it. But if there were any chance he was going to get his dick in he had to try. He sucked on her hard and rubbed up against her g-spot, making her cry out and put her hand in his hair as she fisted the blanket.

He rubbed his fingers up against those sensitive nerves inside of her again, "N-Negan." She breathed as her back arched. That kind of pleasure was new for her and it was definitely intense. She had no idea that there was something inside of her that could make her feel so fucking good.

Her body began to tense up as the pressure in the pit of her stomach became increasingly tighter. He moved his fingers in and out of her, making sure to brush up against the rough patch every time and his licks became more frantic as he tried to get her off. She cursed a few times before she screamed his name. Her body convulsed as she fell silent, other than a few whimpers. Her hips bucked against him as she released onto his face.

He licked up everything he could, much more than satisfied that he was able to make her squirt on his face. There wasn't necessarily as much liquid as the first time, but he was still thrilled. He slowly retracted his fingers and licked them clean before rubbing her leg. He saw that there were a few tears falling down her face and instantly climbed up beside her and pulled the still shaking girl into his arms.

He rubbed her back and just held her as she tried to come down from her insane high. She took in a deep, shaky breath, “Holy fuck.” She looked up at him and smiled. She reached up and wiped his mouth and cheek off with the back of her hand, “Sorry for making such a mess.”

“I don’t give a fuck about the “mess”. Because "holy fuck" is right, that was awesome.” He said brushing his nose against hers. He couldn’t care less how wet she made him or his bed, she looked so fucking hot as she came it was insane and well worth a few stains. Not to mention how delicious she tasted, Lord he would taste her all day if he could.

She kissed him softly as her hand ventured lower until she reached his boxers. She stuck her hand through the fly whole and wrapped her hand around his length. He let out a groan as she pulled him out and began slowly stroking him, "You like this?" She asked, pulling on his bottom lip with her teeth.

He groaned again, "Fuck, doll, if you don't stop I'm not gonna last."

She pushed her hips forward and ran his mushroomed head over her still very wet pussy, "Then you'd better make a move."

He pushed her onto her back and hovered over her, "Are you sure you're ready?" He had to hear a confirmation just one more time before he did anything.

She bit her lip and looked up at him with big eyes, "Only because it's with you." Ah shit, she really was the sweetest thing, wasn't she? He couldn't believe that she was actually real, that this was happening. She was just so perfect, why on earth had she picked _him_? He was gruff and mean. He tortured and murdered people, and he knew that she knew that. So why did she like _him_ so much?

He kissed her tenderly, "I'll stop at any point if you want me to, okay?"

She nodded her head, "Okay." She stared up at his worried face and wondered how she had gotten here so fast. It had maybe only been five days since she was daydreaming about him and now he was leaning over her with his heavy girth resting on her inner thigh. There was no doubt in her mind at that moment that right there was where she wanted to be, but she was still scared. Every other time that she was in a situation like this it was against her will, but this time, this time she wanted it. She wanted him. She wasn't sure that she could make herself want to be in this kind of a situation with anybody else. She was there because of _him_.

He momentarily got off of her to rid himself of the rest of his clothing. He glanced at his bedside drawer thinking about grabbing a condom. He really hated those things, but he was afraid that once he got started he might not be able to pull out in enough time. Sure, he's always wanted a family, but he couldn't do that to her. Not now. So if he didn't grab one of his condoms out of that drawer he knew what he was risking. He sighed and opened the drawer, grabbing out a foiled packet. That wasn't a risk he was willing to take. Not right now.

He tore open the packaging and rolled the rubber down his dick before climbing back onto the bed. He hovered over her, holding her face in his hand. He'll go slow, do his best not to hurt her too bad. He leaned down and kissed her softly as he rubbed his entire length up and down her lips several times, trying to draw up as much of her natural lubrication as he could.

He moved his hand down to her clit and began to stroke her softly. She looked down only for him to grab her chin and turn her back to him, "Look at me." He said softly. She nodded her head and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling his forehead to hers. She did her best to steady her breathing and relax her body, knowing it would hurt less that way.

He slowly began to push against her until his head popped in. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to focus on the sensations coming from his ministrations on her clit instead of the burning sensation that was being caused lower.

He brushed his fingers through her hair, "It's okay, Layla. Just open your eyes and look at me." She opened her eyes only for a few tears to fall down her face, he wiped them away with his thumb, "Keep your eyes on mine."

He slowly began to push himself further in, "Y-you're big." Definitely the biggest she's ever had.

"I know, baby." He said pushing in the rest of the way, "And you're _so_ tight." It was unbelievable how she felt wrapped around him. So much better than he'd been imagining for months. So hot and tight, it took all of him not to go wild. But he held himself back and stayed planted all the way inside of her, trying to help her get used to him. He continued rubbing her clit until she started gently rocking her hips.

He took that as his queue to slowly pull out and ease himself back in. She winced slightly but didn't act like it hurt as much as it did a couple minutes before. He began to set a slow pace, going in and out at the gentle pace he knew she could handle.

"You can go faster." She breathed out. It still kinda hurt, but she knew that he needed more if he was going to enjoy this. She just wanted to be able to give him what he wanted.

"You sure?" He asked, breathing heavy. She nodded her head and did her best to follow his rhythm with her hips. She purposely squeezed her walls around him, causing him to groan loudly, "Ah, fuck." He sped up slightly, but didn't go very fast as he was still afraid to hurt her.

"Negan?" She asked letting go of his neck and looking up at him. He looked at her questioningly. Was he doing something wrong? Did she want him to stop? Lord, he hoped not. He really didn't want to have to stop, "Can I try something?"

He nodded, "What is it?"

"Just follow my lead." He nodded his head, curious as to what she was going to do. She pushed against his chest and he leaned back, pulling out of her, "Can you lean against the headboard?" He did as he was asked and dropped the pillows into the floor and leaned back. She straddled his waist and looked him in the eye as she got onto her knees. He stayed silent and watched her every movement.

She reached between them and grabbed onto his slick member, rubbing it against her a few times before lowering herself down until she was seated in his lap. He put his hands on her hips and watched as she began to move her hips up and down slowly. His eyes lowered and he watched as he disappeared inside of her and then reappeared as she pulled out. This was honestly a better idea, let her set the pace that she was comfortable with.

He rubbed at her clit with his thumb, causing her hips to jerk and a gasp to escape her lips. She held onto his shoulders for support as she did her best to set a steady rhythm. Her head threw back and she moaned as he circled her clit harder, "Please." She said trying to move faster, moaning again, feeling her stomach begin to tighten.

"Please what, darling?" He wanted to know exactly what she needed so he could give it to her. On the other hand he enjoyed hearing her talk dirty, but on the other, other hand he loved her innocence.

"Please help me." She whimpered at a particularly precise rub from his thumb. He grabbed her face with his free hand and brought her lips to his. He snapped his hips into hers causing her to cry out and arch her back, she leaned back and held onto his legs to keep herself up, "D-do that again." At first he just met her pace, but then he started to go faster.

Holy fuck, he could watch this show all day. The most beautiful girl he's ever seen on top of him, bouncing on his cock. Watching as her body slickened with sweat, the way that her face looked and her body reacted when he rubbed her clit and thrusted himself up into her. Then there were her noises. For the most part she wasn't being loud, but her sweet little "ohs" and the way she kept saying his name. Fuck. Just _fuck_. She almost had him blowing his load just by her noises.

He could tell how close she was getting as her breathing became erratic and she gripped his calves harder. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes, trying to focus on every little sensation that was being caused to her body. It felt amazing. Nothing like she had experienced before, it was incredible.

He rubbed her clit fast and hard, making her hips jerk as she lost her rhythm all together. But that was okay because he took over the situation by grabbing her hip and pounding into her. She leaned forward and wrapped an arm around his neck and gripped his arm with her other. She buried her face into the crook of his neck as her body tensed and she fell quiet. Then there it came again, this time right in his ear, her sweet little "ohs" right before a whimper as her walls clenched down hard onto his cock.

He groaned loud, knowing he couldn’t make it much longer himself. She arched flush into him, chest pressed against his, as she was at the very edge of the peak. He couldn’t get his hand between them anymore so he wrapped an arm around her waist and held firm to her hip as he pounded into her, trying to get her there. She cried out and he felt it, her liquid spilled out around his cock as her hips jerked mercilessly.

He couldn’t hold it himself as he grabbed onto both of her hips and without much rhythm, thrusting himself into her until he came grunting and groaning, spilling his seed into the condom. He stayed inside of her as they both sat there trying to catch their breath.

They sat there listening to each other breath for several minutes, but when Negan felt himself about to doze off, he rubbed his hand up and down her back, “Do you wanna lie down?” He asked, running his fingers through her hair. She hummed softly and nuzzled herself further into his arms. He chuckled softly at how cuddly she was being and laid them both down, slowly pulling himself out of her, making her moan softly. She waited for him to take off the condom and dispose of it into the trash can beside the bed before laying herself back into his arms.

He put the pillows back onto the bed and pulled his big, grey, fluffy blanket over them. He watched as she laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes. Goddamn she was beautiful, goddamned perfect. She was _his_. His to watch over and take care of. His to love and love on. His to spoil, his to heal.

She was his obsession and nobody could ever take her away from him. Nobody.


	10. Bad Dream

Negan woke up first. He scrubbed his eyes and looked at the window, it looked like the sun was just beginning to come up. He felt Layla shift against him, he looked down at her and smiled. The night before was amazing, he just really hoped that she agreed. It was a bit awkward and tough at first, but by the end she seemed to have enjoyed herself.

One of her legs was between his and the top half of her body was on top of him, the blanket was pushed down to their waists so he could see a lot of her. He moved her hair behind her ear and watched her sleeping form, he watched as her chest steadily rose and fell. The only sound in the otherwise quiet room was her soft breathing. She looked so peaceful. So calm. Somehow she managed to look even more beautiful this way.

He kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes, hoping to get one more hour of sleep. He was mostly asleep when he thought he heard a groan. His eyes snapped open and he tightened his grip around her, about to reach for Lucille because he was worried that it was a dead thing; but then it came again. He looked down, realizing the sounds were coming from Layla. Was she having a nightmare? Should he wake her up and make sure she's alright?

Her face scrunched up and she whimpered as her body tensed. That was the last straw, he was about to wake her but stopped himself, questioning if that was the right move. He didn’t want to have to wake her up, but he didn’t want her laying there crying and whimpering. Maybe he could try to comfort her in her sleep.

He rubbed his hand up and down her back as he hummed the tune to no song in particular. She mumbled something incoherently and snuggled even further into him. He ran his fingers through her hair and couldn't help but wonder what she was dreaming about. Was it a bad memory? Was she dreaming about something that didn't even happen? Something or someone she's afraid of? He didn't know whether or not he actually wanted to know.

He sighed and closed his eyes as she slowly began to relax in his arms. He wished he could have met her before all the pain. He wished he had been there to protect her from all the suffering she was forced to endure. He wished he could make all of those mother fuckers who think it's alright to force themselves onto a woman suffer. Make them feel a kind of pain they didn't even know existed. He could only imagine what he would do to them.

He couldn't help the devilish smile that creeped it's way onto his face. There was a man here that he knew would be more than happy to help him carry out his sadistic plan. Shit, the kind of things going through his mind. He knew that his thoughts were terrible, and he wouldn't dare voice them to her. But the things he would do to them. Holy fuck, the pain he would put them through. His smile widened, he's going to make them shit their pants and cry out for mommy. He's going to make them wish that they'd never crossed him. Because that's exactly what they did. As soon as they laid a finger on his girl they damned themselves straight into suffering.

Fuck. He had to remind himself that they weren't even here. None of them. In all reality he probably would never get to meet any of them, but that would never stop him from daydreaming about how he would rip them apart until there was nothing but blood and guts scattered all across the room. Damn, that would be a day to truly remember. The idea of that much carnage toward those men made him have to resist the urge to chuckle.

His fingers danced over her back as he wondered what she actually thought of him. He believed that she liked him, but he knew it wasn't love. He's going to have to, and he'll be damned if he wasn't willing to, work his ass off for it. He understood why she couldn't feel the same way he felt for her for him, but that didn't stop it from stinging a little.

He didn't have words to describe quite how he felt. It was insane and scary the way he was feeling for this girl. She intrigued him, made him feel things he didn't even know he could. She made his spine tingle and his heart stutter. She made his stomach flutter and twist into knots. All she had to do was look at him with those big blue eyes and his knees would get weak, damn that girl made him crazy.

He was snapped from his thoughts when Layla slightly sat up and placed her hand on his chest as she whispered, "Are you awake?" He wasn't sure if he had dozed off or not, but it was bright out now and his head felt groggy.

He mumbled, "Yeah." As he rubbed his eyes, trying to clear his head.

Her voice cracked, "I… Um…" He looked up at her and saw that her eyes were bloodshot and her cheeks were stained with tears. How the hell had he not realized she'd been crying? He turned on his side and wiped away her tears with his thumb, leaving his hand on her face. She closed her eyes, "I didn't sleep well."

He nodded and brushed through her hair with his fingers, "You had a bad dream?" She looked at him questioningly, wondering how he knew that. He smiled softly and answered her unspoken question, "You were fidgeting and whimpering. So it was either that or you were having a wet dream." He laughed, but when she wouldn't meet his eye anymore he internally kicked himself for cracking such a bad joke at a worse time, "I'm sorry, darling. Do you wanna talk about it?"

Her brows furrowed and she didn't respond right away. She gently pushed his arm away and sat up, flinging her legs over the side of the bed, "You don't wanna hear about it." He tried to wrap his arms around her from behind, but she brushed him off and stood up, grabbing the blanket with her. She covered herself with the soft blanket, leaving him fully exposed on the bed.

"Layla-" He tried to speak, apologize. Something. Get her to know and understand that he was there for her, willing to just sit and listen as she spoke. Or even just hold her while she cried, he'd do his best to soothe her.

She cut him off as she walked to the bathroom, "It's fine. I'm fine." There was no way that he would want to hear about it. She'd dreamt about one of her first nights with those awful men, it was the first time that she actually wanted to die. It was her first time meeting the worst man there, the man that caused her the most physical pain out of all of them.

She shuddered just thinking about it again, the whole thing made her nauseous. The dream was so vivid, it felt  _ so _ real. Like she was back there again. But there was a twist, something that didn't actually happen right before she woke up. Something she wished would have actually happened, it would have solved so many things. One thing she did have to be glad about, though, was that she would never have to see that man again.

She closed the door, but didn't bother locking it. She sat down on the toilet and held her head. Why did it still have to hurt so bad? Why can't she just forget? She doesn't even really have any marks left on her body, thankfully they didn't make her have to have physical reminders for the rest of her life.

She closed her eyes, trying to will the tears to stop flowing as her nightmare played on repeat inside of her head. She wasn't mad at him, she knew that he wanted to help. But it was hard for her to accept that and completely let him in. But maybe she can swallow down at least some of her fear and talk to him. Talking was supposed to help, right? Would it help her? Would she feel better? She doesn't even know if he could sit through the whole thing if she tried to explain it, if she could even get it all out.

She was so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn't hear the door open. He had given her a few minutes, but he couldn't stand knowing that she was crying all alone in there. He wanted to be there for her, he  _ had  _ to be there for her. So he put on a pair of sweatpants and made his way to the door.

What he saw when he walked in made his heart ache. Her body was wracked with silent sobs as she buried her face into the blanket. He wanted to run over to her and hug her to him, but he resisted. He didn’t want to scare her. He slowly walked over and kneeled in front of her. He said her name softly, making her jump and look at him.

Her eyes were puffy and her bottom lip was quivering, "I'm sorry, Negan." She said, voice cracking.

He put his hand on her knee, "It's alright, sweetheart. You don't have to be afraid anymore, but I understand why you still are." He sighed and got onto his knees, "I can't take away what happened to you, trust me when I say that I wish I could, but I can't. I can't go back in time and be there for you when you needed me the most, but I  _ can  _ be here for you now. I  _ really want _ to be here now. You don't have to talk to me about any of it, but just know that I  _ am  _ here for you. I  _ am  _ willing to listen to  _ any  _ of what you have to say. Whether it be about your nightmares or anything else. I won't judge you no matter what. None of it is your fault, Layla.  _ None of it. _ " He felt his own voice crack as a heavy lump formed in his throat. He just wanted to be able to make her feel better.  _ Be  _ better. That's what hurt him the most, though, he couldn't.

She looked at him for a moment before sliding off of the toilet seat and into his arms. The blanket had fallen to the floor, but he wasn't paying much mind at that moment to it. He held her with one hand on her head and the other tightly wrapped around her waist, "I'm here, sweet girl, I'm right here." He soothed, "It's okay,  _ we're  _ okay.." He felt her breathing begin to even out as her body slackened slightly. She eased her strong grip around his neck, kissing his shoulder.

"Are you sure you want to hear about it?" She asked, placing her head on his shoulder.

"Of course." He wasn't so sure. He was afraid to know what all had happened, but he was willing to be there and listen anyway because she needed him to. He smiled at her softly, "Hey, why don't we get you something to wear." She nodded. They both stood up and walked back into the room. The only thing he had in his room besides his own clothes was some lingerie he had gotten for his now ex wives. He pulled out one of his undershirts and handed it to her, "Sorry, doll, I don't really have anything in here that'll fit you."

He wasn’t about to give her something he had got for somebody else, especially stuff like that given what was going on. He’s probably going to throw that stuff away and get Layla some new stuff. Shit, yeah he really should. He should take her out soon and they can find her whatever the fuck she wants. Get her a whole new wardrobe of whatever she wants to wear.

"It's alright." She said, putting the large shirt on. As long as it was comfortable she didn't care what she wore at that moment. The soft, warm cotton felt good against her skin, it helped that it smelled like him. She crossed her arms over her stomach and lowered her head, "I don't know how to start."

"That's fine, sweetheart, just come sit with me." She looked up and realized he had sat himself on the head of the bed. She walked over to his outstretched arms and allowed him to wrap his arms around her. She cuddled up into his side, wondering how she would be able to grow a pair big enough to talk to him.


	11. Don't Be Scared

_Layla was laying down on a filthy mattress on the ground. She curled in on herself as much as she could, wanting to disappear. She placed her arms around her head when she heard the door open, hissing as the metal from the handcuff dug further into her wrist._

_The heavy door closed with a bang, leaving the room quiet other than the sounds of both their breathing, "They picked a good one, didn't they?" She heard a gravelly voice say as heavy footsteps echoed their way closer to her. Her body trembled with fear as the tears once again began to fall. She was scared, tired and in a hell of a lot of pain, she just wanted to be left alone. She's already had a few different men come in and out of the damp room to do things to her that she had never wanted to do, never even imagined could be done to her._

_She flinched as his cold, calloused fingers ran along her bare side, "P-please." She begged, trying to curl up even further into herself._

_"Lay on your back." He commanded, shoving something hard and cold into her side. She didn't move, didn't answer. In an instant her body was coursed with electricity and pure pain. Her body convulsed and she could have sworn her heart stopped beating as he pressed the tip against her skin harder for several more moments. He pulled away and growled out, "Get on your fucking back, slut." Her body shook and twitched a couple more times as aftershocks rang throughout her._

_She couldn't move even if she had wanted to, and she didn't. She didn't want to lay down and just let this man hurt her. She wanted to be able to stop them, protect herself. She knew it was hopeless, though, when he shot her again. Her body shook as she lost her breath. Tears rolled down her face as he roughly grabbed her shoulder and pushed her onto her back, "Please don't." She choked out, pushing against his bare chest with the smallest amount of strength she had left._

_The larger man easily overpowered her, grabbing a hold of her wrists and pinning them above her head, "Pain breaks character, it breaks spirit." He chuckled menacingly, causing her to choke back a sob, "You'll be no different than any of the others." She found it slightly amusing that that was almost the complete opposite of what her father had told her for years; he would always tell her, "Pain builds character, once you endure enough you'll be stronger than ever before." In those moments she had no idea who she should believe._

_There were others? How many other girls had they hurt? Forced themselves on? Where are they now? What happened to them? Are they still alive? Did they escape? Did these men kill them after they got bored? Was that going to happen to her?_

_Those were only some of the questions going through her mind as he forcefully opened her legs and painfully forced himself inside of her. She was still sore and in pain from the last man, so she cried out and tried to pull away from him, "Stop! No, please!" She screamed, hitting his chest with all the strength she could muster._

_He punched her jaw, her head snapped to the side as sobs wracked her body, "You have to shut the fuck up." He growled into her ear, glancing up at the barred window that was close to the ceiling. She realized that he was afraid that the shufflers would hear them, in her mind that would be a better fate than this. So she took in a deep breath and screamed as loud as she possibly could. He flinched and pulled out of her, “Fucking cunt!” He yelled as he pressed the tip of the electroshock stick into her navel and turned it on high._

_Her body shook and convulsed as all of her muscles tensed. She couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t even control her own body as he held it against her longer than before, "If you won't behave and listen, then I'm gonna have to make you." He said trailing the now off weapon down her abdomen._

_"No. No, please." She whimpered, closing her legs tight as he continued trailing it lower._   
_"Open your fucking legs." He said lifting it up and holding it near her face, turning it on. Her eyes shifted from him to the buzzing weapon beside her._

_It inched closer and closer to her face, "Please, please." She said, very reluctantly opening her legs for him to do god only know what. She just hoped that if she did as he said that he wouldn't hurt her too bad. God, she hoped that's what was going to happen. When he placed the weapon on her exposed pussy she felt her heart beat out of her chest and her breathing completely stopped. All she could think was, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." As he inserted the very dangerous object into her._

_Her breathing was shallow and she thought she might pass out, shit, she wouldn't complain if she just passed out. She was scared beyond words that he was going to turn it on, but she just stayed completely still and hoped that he wouldn't. It hurt like hell as she felt the metal tips scrape against her walls as he moved it in and out of her._

_She placed her arm over her eyes and tried to stay calm, well get calm, "Nuh uh uh." He sang, thank god, pulling out and zapping her thigh. He kept it there until she started screaming. But when he pulled it away she didn't stop, she screamed and yelled as she thrashed, pulling on the chain of the handcuff. She didn't care how badly it hurt her wrist, she just wanted out. She wanted this to end. She wanted it all to end._

_"Fuck!" She yelled, trying to lunge at him, "Fuck you!"_

_"She's right." A man that neither of them had seen or heard come in said as he placed a knife to her assailant's throat, "Fuck you." He slowly dragged the blade across the other man's throat, making blood spray everything around them. The man with the knife grabbed a handful of the dying man's hair and yanked his head back, making him grab a hold of his bloody neck and sputter, "Look at that." He hissed, "Takin' it like a champ." He threw him to the ground, allowing the blood to pool around him._

_They both watched in silence for a few moments as the man stopped breathing. She looked up at the man that had just saved her, not realizing it was even possible for anyone to do so. Her breath caught in her throat as she noticed the leather jacket and red scarf. He felt so familiar, but she couldn't remember who he was. But as she stared up at him she couldn't stop the relief that flooded it's way through her body, she felt safe in his presence. Safe. Lord, that sounded like such a foreign word to her, but evidently that's the only word she could come up with that made sense. This man that she didn't really even know made her feel safe._

_She couldn't stop as his name slid off of her tongue, "Negan." She wasn't sure how she knew it, but she did._

_He kneeled in front of her and she didn't cower. He grabbed the key out of the man's pocket and reached for her wrist and she didn't pull away. He held her hand and she didn't flinch. Not as he unlocked it. Not as he brought his lips to her bruised and bloody wrist. Not as he took off his jacket and wrapped it around her bare shoulders, and not when he picked her up and began to carry her up the stairs and out of her hell._

~~~~

"That's when it ended." Layla finished, heart slamming against her ribcage. He didn't really say anything as she told him the story. He held her as she cried and whispered things like, "It's okay. It's over now." Or, "I've got you, just take your time." She appreciated his patience more than she could express to him, but she was still worried about what he'd have to say about it all. He didn't really make his feelings known as she spoke.

Negan rubbed her back as she finished telling the story. He stayed silent for a moment, glad that she hadn't yet looked up at him. He wasn't ashamed to say that he had shed a few tears himself, but he did want to be strong for her, so he did his best to pull himself together. He couldn't believe that anybody could do that to someone, let alone an innocent girl. She didn't deserve to be yelled at, let alone electrocuted, beaten, and damn them all for this, raped.

Hell, nobody deserved that! Sure, he's done his fair share of beating people, torturing them, making examples of them. But he would never, and he does mean _never_ force himself upon a woman. It's disgusting and fucking immoral. He had no idea how hearing a woman scream out in pain and fear could be a turn on, having them fight against you. It's horrible, demented.

It made his heart skip a beat when she got to the end. It was him. In her nightmare _he _was the one to save her, _he_ saved her. That amazed him. He couldn't help but wonder if subconsciously she felt like he had actually saved her, maybe not from those men but from the world as a whole. That made him feel great, made him slightly proud of himself. It made him feel like he was making a difference to her, hopefully a good one. That gave him even more hope that she can get better, no, he knows that she'll get better. She just needs time and patience. Love and support. She needed _him_. Maybe he needed her, to.

Who had saved her, though? How had she gotten away from them? Did she escape by herself, or did someone help her? Were those men still alive? Or did he need to find them? He didn't feel like right then was the right time to be asking those questions.

"Do you have nightmares every night?" He asked softly.

"Not every night." Her hand trailed up his chest, running her fingers over his Adam's apple. She was amazed that he had stayed and listened to the whole thing, and she was impressed in herself for keeping herself at least mostly together the whole time. She ran her fingers down his jawline, gently raking her fingers through his short facial hair.

When she kept her hand on his face he looked down at her. He could see the worry etched into her features, the same worry and fear that she's tried to mask since he met her, "Layla." He said softly, barely above a whisper.

Her features eased as she relaxed slightly, finding herself relieved. She didn't want to think that he would be mad or disgusted with her, but she couldn't help the fear, "Hm?" She responded, pushing herself up. She tucked some of her hair behind her ear as she stared down at him.

He could swear that the girl hovering over him was an angel. The way her light hair looked like it was glowing in the sunlight, the way she looked at him with pure, yet he knew was undeserved, admiration. The way her eyes shone and glistened from unshed tears that were only just beginning to dry. The way her soft hand gently danced across his face, followed by her eyes, as if she were trying to memorize him. She was his broken angel and he was determined to put her back together. 

Her thumb ran across the shallow scar on his cheek a few times before meeting his eye again, "I wanna help you." He said, resisting the urge to lean up and kiss her.

She nodded, "I know." She answered simply. She just didn't know how that was possible, what he could do. But who knows what's possible and what's not. Who knows what this man is capable of. She leaned down and kissed the side of his mouth, "How come knowing what you know doesn't make you look at me differently?" Maybe because he still doesn't know the worst of it.

"Because I'm not a petty bastard." Just the thought of anyone disliking someone because of the shit that somebody else did to them was disgusting, "Because it isn't your fault, none of it. It doesn't matter what happened in the past, not what was done to you or what you've done to people. None of it matters anymore, not to me anyway. All that matters to me is that you're here right now. All that matters is that you're safe with me at all times, that you'll always be. All that matters is that I'm going to be the only person from here on out that'll ever get the privilege of touching you, of being with you." _You're mine._

"That'll only be true for me if it's true for you." She said looking at him seriously, almost with a glare, "You had _five _wives, Negan." She splayed her hand on his chest, "_Five_. You have to promise me that you'll only touch _me_ from here on out. That you'll only let _me _touch _you_ from here on out. If I'm all yours," She said, straddling his waist, "Then you have to be all mine. Nobody else gets to kiss you." She said, stealing his lips with hers in a rough kiss, "Nobody else gets to touch you." She reached underneath herself and grabbed him through his pants, "Not like this."

"Okay." He said, taking a deep breath as she stroked him softly, making him grow harder under her touch.

"No no." She said as she reached her hand into his sweatpants, "You have to promise me that I'm gonna be the only one that'll see you like this, that'll get to taste you and feel you. You have to promise that I'm going to be the only person from now on to make you cum, to see it happen." She said, tugging his pants down enough to pull him out as she sat up on her knees enough to brush his head against herself, "Promise me, Negan."

"I promise." He breathed out as she rubbed him against her wetness. He didn't see himself ever feeling the need to have anyone else. There would be absolutely no point in it, she was all he could ever want, ever need. She was everything and then some, "I promise that it'll just be you, I promise that I'll never hurt you. Not like that or in any other way. I promise."

"Good." She slowly lowered herself down onto him, wincing slightly but again trying to mask exactly how she felt. It burned, but not quite as much as the night before.

He drawled out, "Fuck." As she gripped him tight and pulled most of the way out. He gripped her hips as she rocked them back and forth against him, she bit her lip and looked down at him.

"I think it's your turn." She pulled out of him and grabbed his hands, trying to pull him up.  
He didn't say anything as he flipped them over, smashing his lips into hers. She moaned against him as he slipped his hand between them, rubbing slow circles into her clit. Her back arched as she held the side of his neck.

He tugged his pants down and off before pulling his shirt off of her. His mouth ran up her neck before nibbling at her jaw. His hand trailed up her side, he circled her nipple until she was wriggling beneath him, "Ready, darling?" He asked, aligning himself.

She nodded, "Yes." He slowly pushed himself into her. She groaned softly, but he couldn't quite tell if it was a good or bad sound. He stayed inside of her, doing his best to get her adjusted to his girth. He moved down and rubbed precise circles on her clit. Her hips jerked, she put her hand behind his neck and pulled his face down to hers.

They kissed passionately as he began to move his hips against hers. She raked her fingers through his hair as he felt his way up and down her body, wanting to know what every inch of her felt like. He pulled away from her mouth and wrapped his arm under her knee, pulling her leg up. He started to pick up the pace when she started meeting his thrusts. He moaned softly when she clenched down on him, her back arched and she let out her own moan as he rubbed against that sensitive patch of nerves inside of her.

He reached down and rubbed her, intensifying her pleasure and which in turn made it more pleasurable for him. She moaned his name as her head fell back. He nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck and planted light kisses to her warm skin as he let his body take complete control.

At that moment neither of them wanted to think, all that they wanted in that moment was to feel. Feel as much as they possibly could. She was tired of the pain and he wanted to make the pain go away.

She was making quiet noises underneath him, the same sweet noises that brought him to the edge the night before. Those very same noises were what was getting him closer and closer by the moment. By every thrust and snap of his hips, by every flick of his thumb he brought both of them closer.

Her breathing increased and her back arched as a loud whine made it way out of her. That fueled him even more as he went harder, faster. He lifted his head, wanting to watch her as she came. Watch as her forehead creased and her lip quivered, watch as her body tensed and she pushed her head further into the pillow.

With one more snap of his hips she stilled, only for a moment later have her cry out and buck her hips. He lost all sense of control when he felt her warm liquid spill out around his cock. Groans and grunts erupted from his throat as he raced to finish himself off. When her fingers tangled tightly in his hair he let out one final strangled groan, snapping his hips a few more times as he spurt string after string of his cum inside of her.

He pulled out and laid his arms on both sides of her head as he closed his eyes, resting his forehead on hers. He felt her shift under him and he opened his eyes, staring into hers. She looked worried, scared almost.

"Negan." She whimpered, he pushed himself up on shaky arms and looked at her with worry, "You weren't wearing a condom."


	12. Incompetent Fool

His first legible thought was, "Oh shit, she's right." He had been so caught up in the moment that he didn't even think about it, neither had she. At least she didn't until she felt him pour himself out inside of her. It was only a moment of panic for him, though. After his initial thought he calmed himself, it was fine. It would be fine.

"I'll get you a morning after pill." She sighed deeply and closed her eyes, dropping her head into the pillow in relief. She hadn't considered that, didn't even think of it to be a possibility. Just the thought of getting pregnant again made her stomach churn. She wasn't ready, no part of her body or her mind was ready for something like that. Not for a long, _ long _ time.

He dropped himself down next to her, pulling her into his arms, "That was pretty great, huh?" Layla asked, trying to lighten the mood for both their sakes.

"Shit, girl, I'll never turn down morning sex." He chuckled, "Or afternoon sex and evening sex and by god, late night sex." He bit his lip and shook his head, "Everything in between is okay, too."

She kissed his jaw, "Do you have stuff to do today?" She traced her finger along his collarbone and down his chest. All she wanted at that moment was to lay there with him. Hell, she wished they could just lay there forever. After that momentary freak out, she felt calm, relaxed. She ran her finger around his naval and around his abs. Shit, his chest and stomach were firm.

"I don't think-" He began to say, loving the idea of staying in his bedroom with her all day, doing anything and everything she wanted to do with him; but fuck it all if he wasn't interrupted by his walkie talkie buzzing and the voice of Simon coming through.

_ "Sir, we have a problem." _

Negan kissed her temple and whispered, “Ignore it.”

_ “Negan, there’s been an accident.” _ The voice buzzed through again, followed by a few seconds of static before he continued, _ “It’s the biters on the fence. One of the guards got reckless and it got him.” _

Negan groaned loudly, “They’re fucking incompetent.” He retracted his arm out from under her with an apologetic face, “I’m sorry, Layla.” He sighed as he reached over to his nightstand and grabbed the walkie talkie, pressing the button, “I’m on my way.”

He stood up and started getting dressed. She sat up and looked at him, when he met her eye and raked his eyes down her body her face flushed. She pulled a blanket over her lap and covered her chest with her arms, "Do you think you'll be gone very long?"

"I don't know." He replied, sliding on his leather jacket, "Depends on how much they fucked up my fence." Her brows furrowed and he licked his lips, "And the guy, of course." Who the hell had even gotten themselves munched? He held up the walkie talkie again, "Who died?"

It wasn't more than a few moments before the reply came, _ "Tim. But he's not dead, unless you told me otherwise I was going to wait for you to do it." _

Tim. Hell, he didn't mind that kid. They had picked him up several months prior and he had appeared to be pretty resourceful, apparently not, though. He couldn't have been more than a few years older then Layla, which made him realize that he actually didn't really care very much about losing him. Seriously, the whole reason he was on fence duty was because of the way that he had looked at and talked to his girl.

She had been mostly a loner, not from the lack of others trying, though. He understood now why she had done her best to disconnect herself from everyone around her, she was afraid of getting hurt again, or of being betrayed, or hell, she was probably just distrusting of those around her after what she had gone through.

The first time Tim had interacted with her she had been there for about a week. Negan had assigned him to work in the cafeteria and he had walked up to her out of nowhere and had sat himself on the table she was sitting at. She had usually waited until they were wrapping up the meal to go and get something to eat because that was when the least amount of people were there.

She wouldn't meet his eye as he asked how she was doing, if she was enjoying the food he'd made, even though he wasn't the one who had made it. She had given him polite, simple responses, not once taking her eyes off of her food. He had slid off the table and sat down right next to her. When her body tensed and she tried to move away Negan had almost stormed across the room from where he had been observing the situation. But he managed to subdue the anger boiling up inside of him, perhaps the jealousy, too. So he just continued watching, waiting until things really turned before he'd make a move on that little prick.

Tim had just moved with Layla, putting his hand on her thigh and squeezing. That had been the first time he had seen her get angry, there was definitely fear in her face, but her eyes were pure anger and determination to get herself out of the situation. She had quickly stood up, him following her movements once again. She stood up as tall as she could, but she was still a few inches shorter and had much more of a lithe form, especially considering how skinny she still was at that point.

He had rubbed his hand down her arm and grinned menacingly at her, that was when he saw her resolve begin to fade. But she quickly put a mask on and again attempted to try and look unfazed, intimidating. He had asked what she was afraid of, that he wasn't going to hurt her, he only wanted to have some fun. He tried to put his hand on her waist, but she pushed him away, causing him to stumble back and trip over the chair behind him.

He fell on his ass and glared up at her. She told him to go and suck his own dick, which had Negan chuckling as pride filled him. Good girl. She tried to turn around and walk away, but Tim was quickly on his feet and had his hand wrapped around her throat. Negan hadn't made it more then two feet before Simon pushed the boy away, had he been observing, too? Negan took a step back and watched as Simon pushed him away and told him to get his sorry ass back in the kitchen before he told Negan what had happened.

After that, Negan slipped out of the cafeteria before Simon or Layla saw him, but he did make eye contact with Tim and gave him the hardest glare he could give; he knew he got his point across when the boy gave a startled, terrified face as he scampered his way back into the kitchen.

He trusted Simon to make sure Layla was alright as he made his way back to his office. He told himself to give Tim one more shot, but if he messed up again he was going to confront him, and that kid definitely wouldn't enjoy that interaction.

Negan smiled softly at Layla as she fiddled with a loose string on the blanket, "I'll be back as soon as I can, okay? You can take a shower, go through my shit and put on whatever you want." She stood up and wrapped her arms around his torso, trying to push down her insecurities of being completely naked in his arms. He ran his fingers through her soft hair one more time before he had to leave. Damn them all, he really didn't want to leave her.

He moved his hand down to her lower back, just before he hit the curve of her ass, "You're gonna come back soon?" She looked up at him, "If you can?"

"Want me all to yourself, darling?" He asked quietly.

"Are you mad about it?" She asked, giving him a crooked smile.

He shook his head, "I would stay if I could, but I have to go." He kissed her softly, "It's too late to go down to the cafeteria and get breakfast, but I'll bring you back something later." He pointed over to a small mini fridge, "There are a few snacks and drinks in there to tie you over. Eat whatever you want, get comfortable." She nodded, "I'll also bring you back something to wear." He reluctantly let go of her and pulled away, "I really gotta go." She once again nodded and stepped back, reaching behind her to grab the blanket and hold it to her chest.

"I'll see you later then." She said as he made his way over to the door. He stole one more glance back at her. Damn, if he didn't have to leave, he sure as fuck wouldn't be. He sighed deeply as he locked the door behind him so that nobody could just enter and put the key into his pocket. If she so chose she could unlock it from the inside and leave, but he really hoped she wouldn't.

Negan trudged his way down the halls as he remembered the second and last time that boy had interacted with Layla. It hadn't even been a week after the first incident that he approached her again. It had been one of the rare evenings that she had come to eat early and he had been there to eat and talk to Simon about certain business that needed handling.

Negan has clenched his fist around the metal handle of his fork as he watched Tim approach Layla. He couldn't keep his mind on the conversation anymore as he couldn't stop his eyes from drifting over to them. He ate a forkful of food and tried to listen to what Simon had to say, but as soon as he heard Tim yell out, "And what the fuck are you doing around here!" He couldn't take it anymore.

Negan quickly shot to his feet and everyone else turned around to the source of the commotion. It was silent other than the boy who continued to yell. Layla looked around the room and pleaded for him to be quiet, but he just yelled at her to, "Shut her goddamned useless mouth." Negan clenched his jaw and walked over to them, slightly wishing he had taken the fork with him so that he could shove it into that little fucker's eye.

Negan walked up behind him and listened to his rant for a moment. He went on to tell her that she was so useless, even Negan saw it. He said that was blatantly obvious because she still didn't have a job. He told her she was just a whore that nobody needed, nobody wanted. He said all she was good for was to lay on her back and take it. Layla had looked up at Negan about half way through Tim's speech with big, watery eyes.

He could see the fear behind her big blue orbs, he knew now that everything Tim was saying must have been striking nerve after nerve inside of her. That she must have been feeling every word he said to her even deeper than he had thought in those moments.

Negan had grabbed onto Tim's neck from behind and squeezed hard enough to have him struggling against him. It took all his self control not to snap his windpipe in half right then and there. Not just because he was talking to Layla like that, either. If Negan had witnessed any man talking to a woman like that he'd be more than tempted to end their lives right away.

As soon as the boy began to go limp in his arms Layla cried out to him, "Don't, Stop!" For a reason unknown to him even now she had begged him to let Tim go, she had said he didn't do anything that deserved killing him. She had called him an asshole, which Negan was pretty sure everyone in the room would agree to that statement as much as he did, but had said he was right. Upon hearing her say that he began to squeeze even harder until he was holding up the boy's entire weight by his grip on his neck.

She screamed his name, causing him to stare at her for a long moment. She looked concerned, scared. Why the hell would she be concerned for this fuck? After what he had said to her, why would she still care? It baffled him, but he listened nonetheless and threw the now limp boy to the floor between them.

"Are you okay?" He had asked, resisting the urge to ram his boot into Tim's ribs, wanting to know what it would feel and sound like. She didn't give a verbal response, she just nodded and swallowed hard, looking down at the unconscious figure on the ground. Negan called Dwight over and told him to take Tim to a cell and not to do anything to him until he got there.

"Why _ am _ I here?" She asked him in a quiet voice.

"Because I fucking said so!" He yelled out as he turned around and stormed out the door and through the halls until he got to their makeshift cellblock. He felt bad for yelling at her like that, especially for leaving right after, but he was so damn worked up he needed to deal with the situation right then.

When Negan met Dwight outside of the cell he found that the boy was still unconscious. No matter how much Negan wanted to slit his throat, he wouldn't. Not yet, anyway. Layla had practically begged him not to hurt Tim. So unless that little prick did something more he would let him live, but he wouldn't let him get anywhere near her ever again.

Negan told Dwight to demote him to watching the dead on the spikes. He said if he ever saw him do anything even slightly wrong then he would cut his stomach open and feed him his own intestines. He was to spend the next two weeks in isolation first, though, and then he would take double shifts for the following year. If he was to live that long, it is.

Negan sighed heavily as he exited the building and walked over to the handful of men crowding around the little asswipe. He was seated on the concrete holding onto the bite mark on his side. He leaned against Lucille and smirked down at the boy in front of him.

"Well, you know what I gotta do now."


	13. Comfort

Layla wrapped the blanket tightly around her exposed body, afraid even though she knew full well that she was all alone. She walked over to his dresser and opened the top drawer. There were various kinds of underwear, socks and… oh. She quickly shut the drawer and looked down disgusted at it. He had a fucking vibrator in his sock drawer. Why would he have one? She was about to ask herself why he would need one, but that would be a damn stupid question. She knew what they were used for, and she knew why he would have one.

But still… Gross. She hoped that he would stay to his word and not use that or anything else on anyone else ever again. Not that she wanted him to use that tiny damned machine on her, she saw absolutely no use in it. Not when she was certain his fingers would feel better at any time of day. She almost wanted to pick it up and throw it away, but she resisted because touching that thing was the last thing she wanted to do.

She moved on to the second drawer and found numerous undershirts and a couple of sweaters. She lightly ran her fingers over the soft material of the bright red sweater and wondered when he would wear something like that, it was hard for her to imagine him in any kind of jacket other than his leather one. Though, she was pretty sure he'd wear a heavier coat if it got too cold.

She pulled out the sweater and brought it into the bathroom with her, setting it on the counter and reaching over to turn on the water. She put the blanket on the bed as she waited for the water to warm up.

She tentatively stepped into the warm water and sighed in contentment. She leaned her head back and ran her hands through her hair, she couldn't help the smile that came to her face. She had sex. Consensual sex. Sex that she instigated, and it was amazing. She had no idea it could feel anywhere near as fantastic as it did. Because of all of her prior experiences she thought that sex was just something to bring men pleasure. She could have never imagined it could make her feel that way.

He had been so gentle with her, so kind. He had made her feel like the whole thing was about her, he had been so worried for her the entire time. It seemed like he had been almost as concerned about it as she had been, it was sweet. He was sweet.

To her.

He didn't seem to care in the least when Simon told him someone was dying. The biters on the spikes had always terrified her, mostly she feared she would become one of them if she messed up. That wasn't much of a fear anymore, though. No, she was more worried for the people who have to guard it now. Someone was dying at that very moment, that realization made it hard to feel as relaxed as she had been a moment before.

Simon had said it was Tim. She knew of only one man there with that name, but there were so many people she didn't know, so she couldn't be sure if it was actually him or not. She had met him a handful of times, none of them being very good. She was still ashamed of herself for making both Simon and Negan step between them on two of those occasions. There were still so many things that made her feel helpless, worthless.

Defending herself was one of those things. She found it hard to stand up for herself, especially to men that were so much bigger than her. A handful of days ago with those women in the nursery was the first time in a long time she had _ actually _ spoken her mind and not held herself back. That had been the first time in a long time she felt like herself again. Felt _ normal. _

When she was with Negan she felt similarly to that. She felt like she belonged to something when she was with him, she felt like she mattered. She still couldn't fathom why he liked her the way he did, why anyone would. She didn't feel like she deserved that, like she was worth it. She didn't feel like she deserved to be taken care of, to be loved. She didn't feel like she deserved to live. But when he was with her she didn't feel that way. When she was with him she felt whole again, like she wasn't still completely shattered.

She soaped her body, hands running over her breasts and down her stomach. She knew he had only just left, but she wished he would have been back. She just wanted to feel the warmth of his arms around her again, to feel the safety of being in his presence. When she was laying with him she wasn't afraid, wasn't worried about him hurting her.

She rinsed off the soap and turned off the water, reaching her hand out of the curtain and grabbing a white towel from the hook next to the shower. She stepped out and dried herself, reaching over to grab the sweater before putting it on. She wringed her hair with the towel and walked out of the bathroom.

She made her way over to the mini fridge and opened it. There were several coke cans, apples, various bags of nuts, a loaf of bread, and a twelve count of beer cans. She grabbed a soda and shut the door before walking over to the couch and sitting down, placing the metal cylinder on the coffee table.

She jumped slightly when she heard the door unlock. The reasonable part of her figured it was probably Negan, but her fearful side took over and she tried to run to the bathroom, afraid of how exposed she was. Of how vulnerable she appeared. She wanted to hide from whoever was on the other side of that door, she wanted to protect herself. Lock herself inside of the bathroom.

She froze in the doorway of the restroom when a knock came to the door followed by it slowly opening. She held her arms to try and hide how bad she was shaking, but it didn't help very much. Her head fell and she felt like crying when she saw Negan enter the room. Why did she have to be so fearful? Why was she scared of everything? Everyone? Why couldn't she be brave and strong? Why did she have to be so fucking weak?

He smiled softly at her as he set everything in his arms down and walked to her. He moved her damp hair out of her face and tilted her head up to look at him. He tilted his head to the side and sincerely told her, "You're beautiful." The tears she had tried to hold back came rolling down her face. Why did she have to be so damn emotional?

He hated seeing her cry, but he knew that he'd be seeing a whole lot more of it in their life together. He wasn't sure why she had looked so panicked when he walked in, maybe he had startled her. He wiped away her tears and leaned down to kiss her softly, "It's okay." He whispered against her lips, wrapping his arms around her waist.

She rested her head against his shoulder, gently putting her arms around him, "I'm sorry." She whispered.

He shook his head and kissed the top of hers, "it's okay." He said again, smiling down at her, "Want to see what I brought?" He asked, taking her hand in his. She gave him a tentative nod and allowed him to lead her over to the couches. She sat down as he grabbed a couple of full plastic bags, taking the seat next to her.

"You didn't need to bring me anything." She said, wiping her eyes.

"I wanted to." He said as he pulled out a long sleeved blue shirt, "I wasn't sure what sizes you were, so I took some educated guesses." He said, pulling out a pair of light skinny jeans, too. She peered over into the open bag and reached her hand out, stopping above his thigh to look up at him, "Go ahead, look." He handed her the bag and set the other one at her feet.

She pulled out the white panties and slid them up her legs, they were probably about a size too big, but it was fine. She could easily make it work. She put the bag that only had a bra left in it down and picked up the second one. She glanced over at Negan, seeing him neatly set up the food he had brought.

He made eye contact with her and smiled. She lowered her head and looked up at him through her lashes as she bit her bottom lip. He tilted his head and stopped what he was doing long enough to look down at her and ask, "What is it?" As a smirk played on his features.

She didn't respond as she stood up, placing the bag on the couch. She looked up at him and kissed his chin. Her chest tightened and her entire body tingled. Damn, this man was ruining her. Even though she knew she was sore from the night before and that morning she still wanted to have him again. And again. And again. She wanted to feel his hands on her, his mouth anywhere and everywhere, she wanted to feel his scruff scraping against her skin.

"Thank you." She said, kissing his cheek and wrapping her arms around his neck.

One arm wrapped around her waist and the other snaked down and cupped her ass, squeezing gently, "My pleasure, darling." He slowly slipped his hand in the back of her panties and moaned, "They look good on you." His hand dipped lower, his finger teasing her entrance from behind. She whimpered and held onto him tighter, tangling a hand in his hair.

He retracted his hand and rubbed it up and down her back, moving her hair to the side so he could connect his lips with her neck. He gently ran his teeth against her sensitive skin before pulling away. He looked at her eyes for a long moment before leaning down to place a tender kiss on her lips. He peppered soft kisses across her cheek and neck, holding her tight and nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck.

He had no ulterior motives at that moment, he was doing exactly what he'd been wanting to do since he met her. Hold her. Just hold her to him, calm and relaxed. Both of them feeling safe, content and relishing in each other's warmth. She stroked her fingers through his hair in soft, slow movements, earning a soft groan and a hot puff of air on her neck.

"Are you still hungry?" He muttered against her skin, planting soft kisses on her jaw.

"Depends on what you brought." She chuckled softly, gasping when he swiftly moved his hand under the sweater. He lightly grazed his fingers over her ribs, trailing his tongue up the side of her neck as she whimpered. She squirmed in his arms as he rubbed his thumb against the side of her breast, holding her firmly to him with his other arm.

She moaned his name, gripping his bicep. He looked up at her face and loosened his grip on her with a smirk, "Bacon, eggs, biscuits, and booze." He released her and went back to setting up their food. She clenched and unclenched her hands a few times in an attempt to stop the shaking, she scrubbed her hand down her face to try and calm herself. She scrubbed her eyes and pulled on the bottom of the sweater.

"Negan?" She asked as she sat back down on the couch.

He plopped down beside, throwing his arm over her shoulder, "Hm?" He bounced the bottle of bourbon up and down on his leg.

"I don't drink." She said quietly, pulling on the sweater. She didn't want him to be upset with her for not wanting to partake in drinking the alcohol he had brought, but she wasn't comfortable drinking. Even though she knew he wouldn't hurt her, just the idea of being in any state of incapacitation terrified her. She wanted to know and remember everything that was going on around her, everything that she does and people do to her. She wanted to always be able to completely control what she was saying, and she couldn't do that if she was drunk.

"It's fine." He said nonchalantly, "I won't make ya." He untwisted the cap and took a swig for himself, only giving a tiny grimace as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Are you going to get drunk?" She asked, worry etched on her face and in her voice. She knew full well how drastically alcohol could change a person. How different they could get while drunk, how angry and mean. She didn't want to know how he was drunk.

"Don't worry." He told her as he set the bottle on the coffee table and grabbed their plates of food, handing her one. When he had picked up that bottle of alcohol he had figured she'd be excited, would have wanted to drink with him. But it was fine that wasn't and she didn't. It didn't hurt his feelings any.

"My uncle used to own a ranch in Washington." Layla said softly, remembering how he had said a few days before that he used to live there, "He had a son, my cousin I guess, he went to school there. I don't remember the name of the high school, though." She scratched the back of her head and took a bite of egg.

"What was his name?" Negan asked, curious by her sudden want to talk about her family.

"Darik Kline." She answered in between bites, she couldn't help but wonder if he knew him or not. If by some way he had worked at the same school he had gone to.

His eyebrows furrowed as he thought for a moment. He had met countless kids while working there, it was hard to remember all of them. But then it hit him and his eyes widened, "Was he a quarterback?" She slowly nodded, "Holy fuck." He puffed out a breath of air, "Shit, that kid was a huge fucking piece of sh-" He stopped himself and bit his tongue, not thinking at first that him saying what he was about to might upset her.

"Shit?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at him and tried to stop herself from smirking. He didn't respond as he took a big bite of biscuit. She smiled at him, "He was, you know. He fucked his way through the entire cheerleading team, right? And not just at his school." She shook her head and grimaced, "Everytime we visited didn't go amazing."

He was watching her intently, so she decided to continue, "My uncle wasn't a whole lot better than Darik was, they both thought that they were too good for that town, for everyone in it. They thought that they were better than us. Me, my brother and my father." She shrugged her shoulders, "In all honesty, they probably were. "At least I can hold down a fucking job and support my family, you mother fuckin' pussy"." She repeated in a deep voice what she had heard her uncle say to her father on several occasions.

"I knew that family, trust me when I say they were some of the shittiest people I've ever had the displeasure of meeting." He scoffed, "Of teaching. Jesus Christ was I excited when that prick finally graduated."

"My uncle used to like us." She set her mostly empty plate on the table and put her legs over his knee, between his spread legs. He pulled her closer with the arm that was around her shoulders, she was practically on his lap but neither one cared, "He never approved of my mama marrying my father, but he put up with him for her. After she passed, though…" She bit her lip and looked down, "After she passed he stopped giving a damn about me and my brother, he'd always say that we were exactly like our father, nothing like mama. He said he wished that we had all died with her."

He set his jaw, had she not had a good home life, either? Was her entire life full of shitty people treating her like garbage?

"I'm sure if you're anything like your father he was a fine enough man." He grunted, running his fingers up and down her arm in a soothing manner.

"I hope I'm not." She bit the inside of her cheek, "I don't wanna be like him, or my brother." That statement told him all he needed to hear to confirm it. Her entire family were just more bastards, she had never gotten the respect she deserved. She had never been treated properly by most anyone close to her.

"You know," He said, going to attempt to get her mind off of whatever memories were flooding it, "We were probably there at the same time. When you were visiting family in Washington we were probably not that far from each other."

She kissed his cheek, "I'm glad I met you."

"Me too, doll." He said, biting his lip as she continued to kiss down his jaw, on his neck.

She smiled against his skin at the new pet name he called her. Out of everything he'd called her, "doll" was probably her favorite. She wasn't sure what it was about that name that made her stomach twist into knots, had her smiling so big, but she liked it. She liked it a lot.

She lightly nipped his neck, barely hard enough to even leave a mark, causing him to groan and close his eyes. She slowly unzipped his jacket, never taking her eyes off his face as she did so. He didn't react so she moved to straddle his waist, never disconnecting her lips from his skin. He placed his hands on her ass, causing her to moan quietly as she ran her tongue over his Adam's apple. She kissed underneath his chin and under his mouth, stopping long enough to give him a long kiss on the lips before continuing.

She kissed the side of his mouth and across his cheek. She took a moment to suck on his earlobe, which earned her a long groan and tightening hands on her hips. She felt him begin to harden underneath her, smiling at herself for having the ability to be able to make him feel that way.

"Negan?" She purred into his ear, one hand on the side of his neck. He opened his eyes and looked at her with dilated pupils as he licked his lips, "Do you want some dessert?"


	14. Meal Time's Over

"Dessert, hm?" Negan asked, running his hands up her sides, "What are you offering to make for me?" Layla cupped his cheek and ran her fingers through his stubble, biting her lip at the rough sound it made.

"What do you wanna eat?" She tilted her head and gave him the most innocent face she could manage. But with the way the tingling in her stomach was growing more intense it was getting harder and harder not to rock her hips against his.

He shifted underneath her, making just enough friction that it made pleasure shoot throughout her entire body. She moaned softly, making him smirk and nod his head, "Ah, I see now." He licked his lips and groaned, "You want me to eat that sweet little pussy of yours, is that it?"

She whimpered under his intense gaze, "P-please." He groaned, standing up with her still in his arms. He held under her thighs and carried her to the bed. She wrapped her legs around his waist so that he could brace her head to lay her down more comfortably.

He started kissing down her neck as he hooked his fingers under the bottom of his sweater, pulling it up her body and over her head, "Wanna give me a delicious treat, doll?" He smirked, having noticed the reaction he had gotten when he had called her that before. He had taken notice to the way she froze for just a second, the way her mouth increased in pressure on his neck.

The truth of the matter is, though, is that she was like a doll to him. A beautiful porcelain doll that would break if you touched her too hard, if you played too rough. She was sweet, innocent in the way that she never seemed to want to talk dirty, to explicitly tell him what she wanted. But he didn't mind too bad, he was up for the challenge of helping her come out of her self conscious shell.

"Something just for you." She sighed softly as he kissed all around her breasts, doing nothing about how hard he was making her nipples.

"Damn straight is it." He continued teasing her breasts as he licked a long strip between them. She squeezed his sides hard with her thighs, beginning to get impatient. Nobody was ever going to get the pleasure of tasting her, making her moan and shake, nobody except him.

She whimpered and arched her back into his face as he finally wrapped his lips around her sensitive nipple. He twirled his tongue around it a few times before flicking it. She dug her ankles into his lower back and attempted to pull him closer, wanting to feel everything she could. But he pushed back against her, not allowing himself to make contact with her.

He pulled away from her chest long enough to pull at her bottom lip gently with his teeth, "Patience, baby girl, let me enjoy the meal you so beautifully prepared for me."

"Yes, sir." She panted as he wrapped his lips around her other nipple, sucking gently. He growled at the formality she had used for him, loving the sound of it. He slowly kissed his way down her body, taking a moment to kiss and lick around her navel before nudging his nose into the front of her panties.

He breathed in her arousal and bit his lip, looking up at her, "Smells so fucking good, damn!" He smirked at her, "Just like a fresh peach cobbler. All nice and  _ moist _ ." He said with much emphasis on the last word. She couldn't help but think how fucking weird he was, but those thoughts instantly left her when he flattened his tongue on her, over her panties, "So ready for me already." He said as he reached his hand up and rubbed her clit through her panties.

"A-always want you." She said with a small whine. Fuck, she knew exactly what he wanted to hear. The affirmation that she did actually want to be there, that she didn't feel pressured, forced, made a genuine smile come to his face. He had felt at several points in the past week that he was making a mistake; not in the way that he didn't want to be with her, but in the way that he was afraid he would fuck up and hurt her. Everytime he heard her say something like that he felt like his heart was going to beat right out of his chest. He felt like he was doing something right, like he was doing right by her.

He moved her panties to the side and bit his lip as he observed her puffy lips, swollen clit. His eyebrows furrowed slightly as he kissed her thigh, "Are you sore, darling?" He didn't want to be too hard, rough, and end up causing her pain. He could keep his fingers to himself if it would make her more comfortable.

"A little." She admitted, hoping that even though she was he would still continue. She definitely wasn't too sore to resist the temptation of having his mouth on her. He continued kissing her right thigh up to her hip bone, massaging her other leg gently, "Please." She whimpered, rocking her hips at him.

He slipped the panties down her legs, noting the fact that he may need to get her a smaller size. He wrapped his arms around her thighs and placed his hands on her stomach, kissing her pelvic bone. He licked up both of her outer lips, groaning at the taste of her. He ran his tongue along the outside of her inner lips, circling the silky skin over her clit.

She groaned quietly as he probed her entrance with his hot tongue, wincing softly at the slight sting. He slowly slipped his tongue up the length of her, ever so gently twirling around her clit. He held her legs open as she instinctively tried to close them, scratching his scalp softly with her fingers. He gave her clit tiny kitten licks until her hips involuntarily jerked and her thighs started twitching.

He ran his tongue up the length of her, relishing in her taste, before gently sucking on her clit. She gasped and arched her back, loving the feeling of his hot wet tongue on her oversensitive bud. She knew she wouldn't last long as he repeated his actions a few more times. Her stomach began to tighten as she grasped the blanket with one hand, and still had her hand tangled in his hair with the other.

He hummed against her, the vibrations being the last she could take as she came undone. Neither said anything as he kissed his way up her body, taking only an extra second to give both of her nipples a quick suck. He kissed up her neck to her cheek, placing his hand on the side of her face as he breathed in the peachy scent of her hair.

He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, just how much she meant to him, how he couldn't live without her. But he was afraid to. It seemed like everytime he started to make progress with her something happened that scared her off, something he'd say.

His movements felt so vulnerable, like he was laying his entire being out raw for her. The passion in his light touches overwhelmed her heightened senses. She felt like crying. She didn't deserve this from him. From anyone. She didn't deserve his tender caresses, kind words or soft kisses. She wanted nothing more than to just close her eyes and imagine she was somebody else, someone worthy of his love.

But when she closed her eyes, attempting to shut her mind off, all she could think about was how he deserved more than her, than what she was capable of giving him. She would never be good enough, so who was she kidding? He would get bored of her soon enough and build himself a new harem full of women who could do more for him than she ever could.

She wasn't convinced that she would be able to give him all of herself, she didn't even know if she was a full person anymore. She felt like her importance was minuscule, how could she matter to somebody else if she didn't even matter to herself? Her life wasn't important, was it? For so many years she had wanted to die, prayed that someone would finally come along and just kill her. She'd hated herself and her life for as long as she could remember.

So why was he being so persistent? Why did he care enough to be so gentle, take his time like he had? Why did he keep coming back for her? Why did he save her in the first place?

"Layla." She looked down and met his gentle gaze, keeping eye contact as he hovered over her and straightened her hair out, "I can practically hear your gears turning; what's on your mind?"

"I just can't stop thinking." She answered, placing her hand on his chest.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked, afraid of hearing another story like the one he had heard earlier that morning. He was willing and capable of bearing all of her burdens with her, but he hoped that the problem she was currently having was one that he could fix instead of one he could only hope to ease the pressure of with time.

"I don't know." She said, trying to sit up and shake off her post-orgasmic haze. He stood in front of her and ran his fingers through her hair, "I need to get dressed." She said, leaning her head against his stomach, attempting to hide her face from his vision.

She felt so uncomfortable in her own skin, she didn't want him to see her naked. She didn't know why her feelings changed so drastically so quickly. She kept instigating their interactions, and then once it was over she couldn't stop herself from getting embarrassed, ashamed.

"Right." He said, moving away to grab the jeans and shirt, along with a bra for her. She started getting dressed, putting on her underwear and sliding on her jeans.

She stopped for a moment and looked at him, "Negan?" She asked, biting her lip nervously. He raised an eyebrow at her, silently hoping that she wasn't upset with him again, "Where's the pill?" She had only just remembered the fact that she had yet to take the morning after pill he had said he'd bring for her. She couldn't forget given the potential outcome if she did.

"Oh, shit, right." He mumbled, unzipping his jacket pocket and fishing out the pill covered in clear plastic, "I almost fucking forgot." He chuckled, opening the package for her and handing her the white pill.

She thanked him as she took it out of his hand and swallowed it down with a drink of her coke. She put the shirt on and ran her hand through her mostly dry hair, "You sure you're okay?" He asked, stepping up to her.

"I don't know." She replied the same way she did before as she pulled the sleeves down over her hands. She bit her lip and looked up at him, "Are you sure you actually love me?"

He stared at her for a moment, unsure of how he should answer. Of what she wanted to hear. But, god, yes he loved her. With everything inside of him he wanted to protect her, keep her safe. He wanted to be with her until the day he died, he never wanted to leave her side. What else was he supposed to say? "Uh, fuck no, I don't love you in the least." Absolutely fucking not, that's ridiculous. But he was terrified to tell her that he did, it got him nothing but grief the day before.

He swallowed hard and took a step toward her. He slowly ran his hands down her arms and took her hands in his, "I want to take this as slow as you want me to. This whole thing," He moved his hand up to her face and brushed his thumb across her cheek, "Is up to you. How fast or slow we take things, if or when you feel comfortable with taking that step. I am still  _ so  _ sorry for scaring you like I did yesterday, I just really care about you."

She wrapped her arms around his neck, "Please don't leave me. I-" Her voice cracked, "I'm tired of being alone, I don't want to have to miss you." Tears fell from her eyes as she buried her face into his neck.

"I won't. I fucking swear to you, I'm not going anywhere." He held her close and leaned his head against hers.

"So many people hate you, though." She whispered against her skin, tickling his neck with her warm breath, "All those people you take from, they hate you, how do you know they won't hurt you any time you go to collect from them?"

She had never spoken to him before about the other communities, he knew that she had known about them, but she hadn't shown any interest in talking about it. He supposed he couldn't be completely certain if she agreed with his handling of things like that or not, and if she didn't, then what? Would he have to try and figure out another way to provide for his people? Would he continue collecting his due from the people anyway and risk losing her for it? Was there an in between?

That was the most effective way he had found to provide his people with everything they needed. He knew for certain that they couldn't scavenge enough stuff to keep everyone fed, clothed, and safe. At that moment he couldn't think of any other way to protect his people as fully as he was. So what would he do?

He decided to hold off on those questions and just answer hers, "They're too afraid, darling." He told her, "And the ones that aren't? Well, I'm just gonna say that they get made into an example so the others stay afraid, stay in line. They all learned real quick that things run smoother when they do as they're told."

"There are exceptions to everything." She said, moving her arms from his neck to around his waist.

"Not to this." He said sternly, "There's no way in hell those donkey fuckers are going to kill me."

She pulled back and looked up at him, "If you're wrong, I'll fucking kill you myself."

"That's fair." He chuckled, "Nowadays it's not too hard to kill a dead man."

"Just please be safe." She pleaded, "Be smart with how you handle them, because the thing you have to remember is that they're human, too. They're defiant, resilient, not all of them are going to give a shit about your "examples". Some think they're invincible, untouchable, that they can get away with anything. So please watch out for those fuckheads and be safe."

"Okay." He still knew for certain that none of them would have balls big enough to kill him, or even have the ability to for that matter. But she was right, there are always exceptions to what you think should be straightforward thinking. She was right about there being people dumb enough in those groups to rebel and try something stupid. So he would heed her warning, even though he didn't think he needed to.

She nodded, seemingly satisfied, "Now, what are we going to do today?"


	15. Let's Try This Again

Negan rubbed lazy circles into Layla's back, feeling drugged from lack of sleep, his mind drifting from thought to thought.

The past several weeks have been full of shit. From their vegetable gardens getting infested with caterpillars and maggots to one of his ex wives trying to stick her hand down his pants. The first one wasn't a problem very long because they had managed to get pesticides, but the second one seemed to be a little trickier.

Not only were her constant advancements getting on his nerves, it upset Layla and made her question if he were fucking her again. He had tried to assure Layla that there was nothing between him and anybody else besides her, but she was leery of the whole situation and would barely even look at him when that bitch was around. The past week or so has been easier, though. Layla appeared to believe him more when he said she was all he needed than she had before.

When they were alone he couldn't get her to stay off of him, not that he would ever try. After all the stressful ass days he's had lately, it was comforting just to have her hand in his, let alone have her cuddled up in his lap. Things wouldn't always become sexual, which he was more than okay with, because sometimes he just wanted to hold her and just know that she was there. That she won't leave, disappear.

Many days she had come into his office with tears in her eyes, just wanting him to hold her because she couldn't get her mind to stop drifting. Those times were hard for him, he hated seeing her cry and knew there was nothing he could do to stop it from happening again. But he'd be there for her, every time, no matter what, he'd be there with open arms just willing to hold her until her tears stop flowing.

She hadn't talked to him very much about her past since that one morning. He knew she was afraid and nervous to talk to him about it, tell him what all had happened to her, but part of him needed to know everything. The other part wanted to never find out what all horrors that had been inflicted upon her.

They would still talk, though. They would talk about how shitty the world was, but how it honestly wasn't too much worse than it was before. Even before the end there had been evil people who did horrible things. There had been tragedies beyond belief. The only difference that she felt there was now was the dead, and the fact that you could go into any store and take whatever the fuck was left for free. There were bad people before and after, there were also good people, too, though. The good people for the most part were just afraid to come out and stand up for themselves because in a world like that they wouldn't last long.

She told him that she thought he was a good man. He had thanked her and called her a sweetheart, but it had gotten him thinking. He wasn't a good man, and he figured she knew that. But he wasn't so sure because if she knew about the kind of things he'd done then she wouldn't truly believe that.

They had also talked about their possible future together. He ended up confiding in her the fact that all he's ever wanted was a family, an amazing wife, maybe a few kids. She told him that she wants that, too. Maybe not yet, and she couldn't tell him when she'd want that, when she'd be ready. But whenever she'd envision her future she always imagined herself married with lord only knows how many kids. She said when she felt like she might be ready she would tell him, but it wouldn't be for a while.

He understood that, the fact that it wouldn't happen at that moment, and he wasn't ready for it himself. He wanted it to be just them for a while before they even considered expanding. He wanted to absorb as much of their time together as he could, he wanted to get to know her more. Learn more about her. He also wanted her to get to know him more before she decided that he was good enough for her.

But to get into something more graphic, the sex was fucking amazing, hot damn. She was starting to take him easier and easier every time, even though she felt just as tight as the first time he was inside of her. Although, he'd do his best to stretch her out some before he would go any further.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Layla asked, voice thick with sleep, interrupting his thoughts.

“How’d you know I wasn’t?” He chuckled at the fact that she hadn’t even lifted her head from his chest, or opened her eyes and yet she knew all he was doing was resting.

She rubbed her eye for a second, trying not to fall right back asleep, before wrapping it around his waist and pulling herself closer to him, “You breathe differently when you’re asleep.” She mumbled, moaning softly as she tilted her head up and kissed his chin, trying to shake off her sleepy fog.

He turned on his side, and she did the same, facing him. He just stared at her for a long moment, smiling softly at how peaceful she looked, absolutely loving moments where it appeared that nothing was bothering her. He moved her hair out of her face and brushed his thumb across her cheek.

"Are you okay?" She asked, tracing her fingers up his bare chest.

"I am." He answered genuinely, feeling his heart beat faster as he continued to stare into her blue eyes. In complete honesty he hadn't felt so at peace with himself, with life, in a long time. Whenever she was around he just found himself so much calmer, so much happier. Whenever she was around he felt like nothing else really mattered anymore, nothing besides her. She was all he needed.

"What are you thinking about?" She placed the gentlest kiss on his mouth, laughing softly as he smiled big at her. Her laugh made a tingle go down his spine whenever he was able to get her comfortable enough to coax one out of her. It was the purest, most lighthearted sound he'd ever heard. She was fucking adorable when she laughed.

"How much I love you." He felt brave, much more confident than he had been the first time he'd said it. He felt like they had grown so much closer since that day, she was more comfortable just being around him.

She closed her eyes and sighed softly. She still felt weird about hearing him say that. It made her feel wrong inside, being told that you're loved is something that most people find comfort in. But then again most people haven't had it used against them.

_ "I've loved you and taken care of you for your entire life, you owe me this." _

_ "If you don't tell me you love me back I'm gonna have to hurt you again, is that what you want?" _

_ "You feel so fucking good, goddamnit I love you." _

Love is a scary thing, and in a different way for her than for most. Love had always been so violent, so violating and gruesome. She knew that's not what love is supposed to be like, feel like. But it's how it had always been to her. She liked him  _ so _ much, but she had no idea if it was love or not. It could very well be, but it might not. She didn't ever want to say it again unless she knew that she meant it.

She believed more this time than last time that he meant it, she had spent a lot more time with him since the first time it had happened. He was always so kind and gentle with her, he was always trying to make her happy, and when he knew that he couldn't he would do his best to comfort her until she felt a little better.

She wasn't sure what love felt like, but how she felt at that moment was the closest to how she figured it should feel to love someone. To have someone actually love you. Maybe she did love him and maybe he did love her. That was a crazy thought. She had spent her entire life wanting to be cared for, wanting to care for someone as much as she'd seen in the movies.

She might actually love him. Holy shit, that's crazy. But does she deserve his love? Does she deserve anyone's? After all she had done, did she deserve a man like him? A man that would genuinely love her? Take care of her? Protect her? Maybe not. But she was sure as hell going to enjoy it as long as it lasted.

"I think I love you, too." She said barely above a whisper, looking down for a moment before meeting his eye. She ran her fingers down his face, brushing her thumb through his short facial hair.

He smiled, leaning forward and kissing her growing smile. She kissed him back, breaking away as she giggled and placed her face against his chest. He grabbed her chin and tilted her head up, capturing her lips again. He put his arms on either side of her head, never breaking contact as he moved over her.

She tangled her fingers in his bed head and deepened the kiss. He massaged her tongue with his as his hand trailed up her waist, making her shudder as his fingertips ran across her ribs. She whimpered when his thumb flicked across her pebbled nipple before cupping her face.

She moved her hips slightly so that his hardening member moved from resting on her thigh to laying on her dampened pussy. He hissed quietly as he kissed down her jaw, ever so slightly rolling his hips. He trailed his hands up her sides again, a little rougher than last time, causing her to arch her back and pull his face up to kiss her again.

He reached his hand between them and rubbed his thumb against her clit, earning him a gasp and a whimper. He ran his thumb up and down her wet folds a few times before pulling away and rubbing his entire length against her. He wrapped his hand around the base of his cock and ran the tip from her clit to her entrance, pushing lightly before going back up and circling her sensitive nerves.

She pulled on his bottom lip with her teeth, arching her back and allowed her head to fall back as he rutted up against her. He took her exposed neck to his advantage and attacked it with wet kisses, licking along her sensitive skin.

"Hold on." He growled, wrapping an arm around her back and gripping her hip. She held onto his neck and gasped as he flipped them around with her on top of him.

He placed a hand on her hip, hand slipping between them. He ran his fingers through her lips, probing her entrance with his middle finger before roughly circling her clit for a moment. She whimpered and moaned as she struggled to keep herself up on her knees.

"What do you want to do, doll?" He asked, bringing his fingers to his lips and sucking her off of his fingers. She moaned softly as she watched him, rocking her hips against him.

She leaned down and kissed him, continuing to move her hips back and forth. He groaned and held onto her sides as she sat up straight. She whimpered as her clit rubbed against his hard cock, "Little higher, doll," He groaned, "Pin me against my stomach." He instructed, helping her position herself properly so she was situated well enough that she was rubbing against his head along with his length.

He groaned loudly as he held her hips, guiding her movements, loving the feeling of her soft pussy rubbing across his impressive length. He gently pushed and pulled at her hips until she was moving more fluidly and with rhythm. She leaned forward and supported herself on his chest as she rubbed herself against him.

He reached up, gently squeezing her breasts before rolling her nipples between his fingers. She moaned as she ground her clit with fervor against the underside of his tip, all the grooves and veins hitting just right to the point that she couldn't even control herself any more as she gave herself completely over to the pleasure of it.

Negan watched as she worked to get herself off on his cock. He couldn't wait until the next time he could get her to actually ride him. She hadn't done it since that first night, but damn, watching her grind her hips down onto him made him long to feel her wrapped tightly around him again. To have her impale herself on his leaking erection again and again until he'd cum inside of her, have her not stop and continue to grind down onto him, needing to take him deeper.

He groaned at the thought of it, knowing he wouldn't be able to hold himself back much longer as he felt the familiar tingle begin to build up in his balls, quickly running up his spine. God fucking damn, he had no idea dry humping could be so fucking hot, that it could feel so fucking good.

His head fell back and he fisted the sheet as she ground her hard nub underneath his head, hitting the perfect spot that had his hips stuttering underneath her. He wasn't sure she realized what she had done until she did it again, and again. He couldn't stop the constant moans that left his mouth as her hips stuttered and loud whimpers escaped her lips.

"Come on, baby doll." He groaned out, determined to hold it in until after she came. She whimpered as he grabbed onto her hips, pulling and dragging her along faster, "C-come o-, fuck. Fucking shit." He felt his hands shake as his fingers dug into her soft skin, "I can't, doll. Fuck." He drawled out, "Layla." He moaned as he reached up, pinching and pulling at her nipples in a final attempt to help her along.

Layla let out a small cry, digging her nails almost painfully into his chest as her hips stuttered and faltered before stilling all together for just a second. Quiet whimpers left her parted lips as her entire body shook and shuddered, her orgasm tearing it's way through her. She leaned forward into him as she faintly felt his cock spasm and twitch underneath her, loud groans sounding above her head as he finally let himself come undone as well.

He hissed as he grabbed onto her hips, stilling her movements as she had continued to rock against his overstimulated cock. He wrapped his arms around her and sighed in contentment, finally beginning to feel tired.

"Negan?" She said quietly, drawing circles into his chest.

"Hm?" He answered drowsily, knowing that he needed to get up and get a washcloth or something to clean them up with.

"I love you." He couldn't help the stupid smile that plastered it's way onto his face as he tilted her head up to look at him.

"I love you, too, Layla." More than she could ever understand.


	16. Bad Day

Layla gripped Negan’s hand as they walked through the yards. She took in a deep breath of the crisp morning air and looked up at the man who was holding her hand, smiling softly at the look of contentment on his face. She loved how it felt to have his hand in hers, it made her feel safe, secure. It made her feel like he’d never leave, that she could stay like that in that moment forever.

Just walking in the grass, hand in hand, able to just be in comfortable silence. That was something that had surprised her pretty recently, he could just be. Everytime she had seen him with anybody he hadn’t been able to keep his mouth shut, he was always spewing some kind of cocky bullshit that had her grinning. She loved how you never quite knew what he was going to say or do from one moment to the next, how he could turn someone around just by looking at them.

But it didn’t seem like he felt like he had to talk, intimidate, when it was just them. Even when they were around people, though, he almost always had an arm protectively over her shoulders or around her waist. He was always doing his best to make her as comfortable as possible, even if that meant leaving a group of people he was conversing with vulgarly just because she didn’t feel comfortable around them.

She had no idea why he was willing to do everything he was doing for her, get her everything she even mentioned she kind of wanted. So why wasn’t she making more of an effort to do the same for him? It’s not like he actually asked for anything, verbally made it known that he wanted something from her. Well, besides maybe sex, but even then he was so tentative with how he approached the subject.

Maybe that just means she needs to take the initiative and surprise him with something. But what? And would she be able to actually do it secretly since he’s in the loop about everything? Well, either way it doesn’t matter. She’s going to do her best to show him that she cares about him as much as he cares about her. She didn’t quite know what she wanted to do yet, but she was going to do something, no matter how small it might end up being.

They stopped as they made it to an entrance to the Sanctuary, “I have to go visit another community today, are you okay staying here while I do that?” He asked, opening the door for her, “I can tell Simon to stay behind if you’d be more comfortable with that.” There it was again, him doing his damndest to make sure she was okay.

“It’s okay, I’ll be fine.” Layla smiled up at him as he took her hand back in his, “Do you know when you’ll be back yet?” She asked, trying to see if she could get anything whipped up while he’s out.

“Later this evening, by nightfall definitely.” He sighed, squeezing her hand, “You’re sure you don’t want me to make someone stay behind with you?”

“I’m sure, really, I’ll be fine.” She chuckled at how concerned he was being. She didn’t need someone to stay behind and babysit her, she’d be fine. Besides, she needed the space to get what was brewing inside of her head done and ready by night.

“Alright.” He said unsure, “Want me to walk you back to our room before I leave?”

“Negan.” She said exasperatedly.

“What?” She set her jaw and stared at him with stern eyes, causing him to raise his hands in surrender, “Sorry, I just need to know you’re safe.”

Her face softened as she smoothed her hands down his leather jacket, “I’ll be okay.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling slightly guilty for snapping at him. Usually she loved how protective he could be with her, but at that moment she just wanted him to leave so she could get started, “But you have to be safe, too. You understand?” She held onto both sides of his neck as she stared into his eyes, “I don’t care if any of those fuckers you’re taking with you have to die, you come back, okay?”

He leaned down and kissed her deeply, wrapping his hand in her hair and holding the back of her head. She was a little startled by the gesture, but quickly relaxed in his arms as his soft lips moved rhythmically with hers. Damn it all if those lips of his, no matter what they were doing, could calm all the nerves inside of her all at once.

She held onto his wrist as he pulled away, “I’ll always come back because I know what’s waiting for me.” He chuckled, “And it’s worth fucking fighting for.”

She held one of his hands in both of hers, “I love you.” Just being able to say that now and mean it meant more to her than she could express. She’s always wanted to be able to genuinely say and receive it, and it’s even more amazing than she thought it’d be.

“I love you, too.” He reciprocated, kissing her gently. She was so much less afraid of being with him around people than she was even recently. She was still worried about what they thought, because she knew most everyone didn’t approve, or liked them being together. But she was doing her best to make it so she didn’t care as much. The best way she figured to do that was to continue being affectionate outside of the bedroom.

“Goodbye.” She told him as he began to turn around.

“I’ll be back later, doll, don’t worry.” He smiled back at her before he exited through the door.

She chewed on the inside of her cheek and just stood there for a minute. She hadn't really left his side for more than a couple hours in more than a month. She wasn't worried, though. There was no way she'd let herself get so dependent on someone that she couldn't spend a day without them, she wasn't a child anymore. She had to be better than that, stronger.

She turned around and greeted people with nods or "hi's" or whatever they did first as she walked to the cafeteria and into the kitchen, "Hey Stephanie, Mike." She greeted the older couple that ran the kitchen. She had worked with them on several occasions, they had welcomed her when she hadn't been sure where to go when she first got there.

"How have you been, sweetheart?" Stephanie asked, worried etched into her features as she walked over to her.

"Better than last time you saw me." Layla smiled softly, knowing just how much more afraid she had been before she had begun her relationships with Negan. He made her stronger, braver. He helped her to not be as afraid of everything that moved.

The older woman looked like she wanted to say something but refrained from it. But her husband wasn't so worried, "Has he hurt you?" He walked over and placed his hand on her face, moving it from side to side to make sure he couldn't find any marks.

"No, Michael." She swatted his hand away, "He loves me." She smiled more genuinely this time as she sat on the counter, "And not like everyone else, he actually loves me."

He shook his head disbelievingly, "So you're what then? His newest wife?"

"No." She answered, furrowing her brows. Why are they being like this? They had always been so kind to her, why were they so upset?

"Then you're just fucking him." He stated, crossing his arms.

"Michael!" His wife shouted, slapping his arm.

Layla stared at him, mouth agape, shocked that he was talking to her like that, "You don't understand." She said quietly.

"No, Stephanie! She's what? Seventeen, eighteen years old? It's more than wrong, it's goddamn sinful and she should know better. I mean, he can do whatever the fuck he wants, but she should know better than to be with him. It's dangerous." He stared stone-faced at her.

Layla shoved passed them, snatching a plastic back and filling it with everything that she had gone in there to grab. She stood in front of the man for a long moment before she spoke again, "I'll tell you exactly what I told those dumb cunts that told me stuff exactly like that. Shove it." She scowled at them, "You don't know shit about what you're talking about, so you can just go and fuck yourselves."

She turned around and stormed out of the room, jaw set as she hugged the bag to her. She played little mind to the handful of people that tried to stop her along the way as she walked as fast as she could to his bedroom, determined to make the rest of the day better than that encounter. She wasn't going to let those pieces of shit tarnish her good, productive mood.

She put the handle of the bag around her wrist as she got the key out of her pocket, unlocking the door and walking inside. She slammed the door and cursed, tears streaming down her face. Why couldn't she be better? Why couldn't she be enough? Why was she such a bad person that nobody liked her? What was she doing wrong?

She sat the bag down and roughly wiped her face with her arm. She felt worthless for how bad she wished he was there at that moment. She wished she felt like she could deal with her own shit without any help. But she didn't know how. She's never known how. Her go to coping mechanism had always been to shove it down and pretend that nothing was wrong until one day she'd explode and let it all out. Then of course start all over and bottle it up again.

But she felt so comfortable with him that she didn't feel the need to keep all her emotions inside, she felt safe enough to let him know how she was feeling. That she wasn't okay. But he wasn't there. God fucking damn, she had to learn how to take care of herself, how to cope healthily. He wasn't always going to be there for her, she had to learn how to be herself and have that be enough.

○○○●○○○●○○○●○○○●○○○

As soon as Layla got the call that they were on their way back she started cooking. She already had the clothes she wanted to wear laid out in the bathroom and she got the table set, all that was left was for her to finish the food. She had gotten everything she had needed to make spaghetti and meatballs with a side of garlic bread. She had already made some chocolate cupcakes in his kitchenette and couldn't wait for him to get back.

She had just put the noodles in the strainer when a knock came to the door. She smiled softly and walked over to the door, expecting to see Negan on the other side. But it was Dwight. He looked around her at the fancy set up of the table and the homemade food, nodding his head impressed with how good it all smelled.

"Negan wants to see you." He said, opening the door wider so she could step out beside him.

She looked at him confused as she followed beside him, figuring she could finish the food when they got back, "Is everything okay?" She asked, worried that something had happened while they were out.

"Yeah." He nodded, "He just said that he couldn't go and see you, so he wanted you to come to him."

"But he's fine?" She asked, unsure of what was happening.

"We picked someone up on the way back, he's just showing him around. Wanted you to walk with them, too, I suppose."

"How's Sherry?" Layla asked, wondering how they had been since they got back together.

"Good. We're good. I never really did thank you, did I?" He asked, looking down at her. She looked at him confused, "If you hadn't shown up and by some work of god or the devil or whatever, you convinced him to let her go. Let me be with her again. There aren't any words, Layla for how appreciative I am that I get to see her again."

"It was his choice." She said, looking up when she heard Negan's bellowing laugh. She quickly made her way to the source of the sound, stopping short as soon as she stepped foot outside..

The smile that had begun to grow on her face at the thought of seeing him quickly faded and her heart fell straight out of her chest. She hugged her stomach tightly, staring wide eyed at the man standing beside Negan. It couldn't be. There was no fucking way he was there, that this could be happening.

"Layla!" Negan shouted, walking over and wrapping his arms around her with a wide smile, "This mother fucker here is-"

"Anthony." He interrupted Negan. She already knew who he was, though, the kind of man he was. She knew the things he'd done, and was willing to do. She knew how deranged he could be, the pain he had caused her. He grinned down at her, "It's very nice to meet you."

He was a true monster.


	17. Shameful

"Are you okay, doll?" Negan asked, squeezing her hand as they walked down the empty hall. She was abnormally quiet the entire time he had been showing Anthony around. She was usually pretty quiet, but she didn't say a single word. He knew something was bothering her from the moment she had met him outside when he first got back.

That's part of the reason why he had embraced her right away, she had looked scared. He had no idea what could have bothered her so badly, though. Dwight had told him that she had spent most of her day in the bedroom and when he had spoken to her on their way to see him she had seemed fine, happy even. So what could have happened?

She wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him  _ so  _ bad. But all she could think about was what had happened when Negan went to the restroom, what Anthony had said, done. For the handful of minutes before that she didn't say anything, either, and that was on her. All she could think about was everything he had done to her, how utterly terrified she was to even be around any of those men again. But the thing that kept her from telling Negan at that moment was what had happened just a short time earlier.

_ Layla watched as Negan retreated to the bathroom to as he had said, "Piss a gallon and dump a brick." She held her stomach tightly and lowered her head as the door shut, too afraid to even cry. The only thing that she could think was that he was going to kill her, or god forbid, worse. _

_ She couldn't help the shaking as she heard the man walk over to her. She wished that they had stopped in a crowded room, but they had stopped in Negan's office. She also wished she wasn't such a fucking idiot and had run to where there were people. Where she could've gotten help. _

_ "Look at me." The all too familiar voice spoke lowly. All that came out was a whimper as her lip began to tremble, "Do you remember what happens when you don't listen to your daddy, my little slut?" He growled, grabbing onto her chin and forcefully raising her head. _

_ "I'm sorry." She whispered, looking up at him with fearful eyes, afraid that she had made him mad, that he would strike her like he used to when she’d made him mad. _

_ "We don't have a lot of time." He kissed her ear, making her flinch. _

_ "Please don't." She whimpered, pushing his hands away as they snaked up her sides, underneath her shirt. Just the feeling of his hands on her again made her recoil and want to curl up into a ball. _

_ "What are you gonna do?" He asked, pinning her against the wall, "You can't tell me you haven't missed me." He chuckled menacingly, "After all the fun we've had?" _

_ "I-I'll tell Negan. He'll kill you." She looked him in the eye and tried to stand up tall, but the fear inside was crushing her and made her feel tiny compared to the man looming over her. He stared at her with a set jaw, the deep browns of his eyes looking as though they were black in that moment. She had always thought of him to be a demon, but as she looked him in the eye she was sure of it. _

_ Before she knew what was happening he had his hand in her pants, moaning in her ear, "Tell him what? That I've made you cum more times than you can count? That I was the first man to ever make you moan and writhe beneath him?" He slowly circled her clit with his fingers, causing her to gasp and dig her nails into his arm, "Why would he even care? I mean, he's fucking you, too, right?" _

_ "He loves me." She pushed him back. _

_ "No one can love you,  _ doll _ ." He growled out the pet name he had heard Negan call her, "The only thing you're good for is a good fuck, a tight pussy." He shook his head and grunted, licking the finger that had been in her pants, smiling at her, "Tastes just as sweet as I remember." He took a step back when they heard the toilet flush, "Even if you told him he wouldn't care, nobody would. Hell, if you told him the kind of things we did he'd probably throw you away like the trash you are. You're fucking worthless, sweetheart." _

_ The door opened and she watched as Negan walked out and made his way over to her, "You're treating my girl right, aren't you, Anthony?" He asked, draping his arm over her shoulder, noticing how she stiffened. _

_ "Of course, I would never do anything to this young lady." Fucking liar. _

_ Negan walked over to him and clasped his hand down onto his shoulder, leaning in close to his ear, "You better fucking not. Because if you do?" He held Lucille close to his face, "This thirsty girl here is going to have a sip of your wine. Understand?" He asked, taking a step back. _

_ "Yes, sir." Anthony flashed a charming smile, seemingly unfazed by the bigger man's threat. _

_ "Good!" Negan shouted, clapping his hand against the other man's back, "I think that brings an end to our little tour of my humble abode." He picked up his walkie-talkie, "Simon, come show our new guest to where he'll be staying." _

Layla pulled her hand away from Negan's, feeling disgusted in herself. She can't believe she had let him touch her like that again, that she hadn't fought against him harder, screamed for Negan who was for god's sake in the next room. She should have done something more to stop him, to defend herself.

But who was she kidding. She's exactly like what he had said, she's worthless. Her life doesn't matter, it's meaningless. Negan would be better off if she weren't there, she's just another burden for him to bear. He doesn't deserve that. He's too good for her. She was disgusting. She really did deserve to be thrown aside like Anthony had said, she deserved to die. She deserved everything that man had done to her.

Negan stopped mid step and faced her fully, “What happened?” He was beginning to get well beyond worried at that point. She had never just pulled away from him like that before, he had never seen her look as terrified as she had earlier. He needed to know who did something to her so he could gut them like the pigs they are.

She crossed her arms and looked down, ashamed in herself for countless reasons. She couldn’t tell him, he’d be disappointed in her. He’d think she’s disgusting, that she wasn’t worth his time anymore. If he knew what that man did he’d think that she cheated and he’d for sure do what Anthony said he’d do, throw her away.

“Layla.” He said softly, trying to put his hand on her face, but she swatted it away and took a couple steps back, “Are you scared of me?” He asked, hurt evident in his voice. Had he done something that upset her? Scared her? He hadn’t done anything to her, but perhaps she had heard of something he’d done to someone else and got spooked. Hell, with some of the stuff he’d done, he wouldn’t be able to blame her for that.

She held her breath for a second as she felt her breathing become more and more ragged, she wrapped her arms even tighter around herself as tears fell down her face. As soon as she let out a breath she was wracked with sobs. She couldn’t stop the crocodile tears that poured from her eyes or the borderline hyperventilation of her breathing.

The last thing she wanted to do was upset him, have him feel bad because of something she had done. It wasn’t his fault, none of what happened was. But she still found it hard to look at him, to feel him touch her.

He slowly walked toward her with raised hands, not wanting to startle her, “Let’s go lay down, huh? We don’t even have to talk, just rest.” Her breathing came out in short puffs as he slowly wrapped his arms around her.

She wanted nothing more than to be held by him, but no part of her felt like she deserved to be. After what she let that man do to her she didn’t even deserve to be in Negan’s presence, let alone his arms. She had been staying in his room for weeks now and she was pretty sure he ended up giving her old one away a little while ago, so she had nowhere to go that wouldn’t be with him. She didn’t know what to do, what would be the right thing to do.

“L-let me go.” She whimpered, lightly pushing his sides. She didn’t want to push him away, but she felt like she had to. That she didn’t have another choice.

He hesitantly let go, looking down at her with furrowed brows and a deep frown, “What do you want, darling? Just tell me what to do and it’s done.”

“I want to be alone.” She said quietly, not meeting his eye as she couldn’t stand to see how much she was hurting him.

“Alright.” He said in defeat. The last thing he wanted to do was push and make things even worse than they already were, “I’ll walk you the rest of the way to our room and I’ll find somewhere else to spend the night.”

She didn’t respond as she lowered her head and started walking to the bedroom. He trailed slightly behind her, just to make sure she made it back safely. It wasn’t a very long walk since they had already almost made it back before they had stopped, but the hard silence made it feel like an eternity to both of them.

He got the door opened for her, tentatively grabbing her arm before she could walk inside. She looked up at him with pained eyes, “Are you sure you want to be alone?” All he wanted at that moment was to be able to hold her for the rest of the night. She nodded, arm dropping to her side as he let it go. He handed her his walkie-talkie and sighed, “If you need me at any point, just call and I’ll be here, okay?”

She swallowed down the lump in her throat and just nodded once again, not trusting her own voice not to break if she tried to speak, “Okay.” He said with another sigh, not wanting to leave but knowing he didn’t have another good alternative at that moment.

He watched as she stepped into the room and shut the door, wondering what could have happened that would’ve shaken her so bad.

Her heart sunk as soon as she stepped into the room. She had completely forgotten that she had made them dinner. Everything was already set up perfectly. She had the red tablecloth over the table with a pot of flowers in the middle. She had set up countless candles and the cupcakes were sitting on the counter. She walked over to the pot of tomato sauce she had just pulled off the burner before she left and the strainer in the sink full of noodles.

She clenched her fists as she glared down at the food. That night was supposed to be special, romantic even. She was supposed to surprise him and spend the entire night just having a good time, talking, laughing, doing god only knows what. She was supposed to give him a Bob Dylan record that he didn't have yet for his turn table. It was supposed to be a good night. She was supposed to be happy, they were supposed to have a good time. Why did things have to take such a shitty turn? Why couldn't she be happy?

She screamed as she picked up the pot of sauce and threw it against the wall. The red substance flew everywhere, steaming down the drywall, staining the carpet and reclining chair. She didn't give a fuck, though. Let Negan be mad at her for ruining his stuff, let him yell at her, hit her, do whatever the fuck he wants to do. Because she deserves it. She deserves every bit of pain she gets.

She walked over to his mini bar, grabbing a bottle of bourbon and twisting of the lid. What the fuck did she have to lose, right?


End file.
